Scars
by LadyFreak
Summary: What happened to her? Her arms were riddled in lines of pink and white. AU, post-war. mature themes, depression, self-harm, cutting, may be triggering, Ron-Bashing, some OOC, Complete
1. Alone

A/N: This story contains a very sensitive subject. It deals with depression and different ways people handle it.

1. Alone

The sun shone over the kitchen table as the rest of the house slept. The war was over. Ron had his dream of playing with the Cannons, Harry was training to be an Auror, and Ginny was preparing for her last year at Hogwarts. She wanted to stay with Harry, but her mother was not giving in. Plus, you don't go against Molly Weasley.

But me? What dream did I have? I was always the book, the brains. Learning was my life. Now I have nothing. Not even my family. My parents are somewhere in Australia. The Ministry is trying to find them, but I don't think the memory charm is reversible.

Alone.

Staying at the Burrow had always been fun these past 7 years. But not anymore.

Hermione was alone in a house full of people.

Everyone was busy. George was off at an emotional retreat to help him deal with his twin's death. Ron and Ginny were the last of the Weasley children in the house, but they were too busy for her. Ron and Hermione's relationship didn't last long past the Battle. It was fear and passion and misplaced love that put them together. The longer they were together, the more she realized it felt wrong. Ron was like a brother, it just wasn't right.

Shaking herself, Hermione went into the kitchen and began to make some breakfast. I have to be good for something I guess. She thought, At least no one complains.

The smell of the cooking food woke up the rest of the house and footfalls could be heard overhead. She put her wand to the kettle and set tea bags and instant coffee – a favorite muggle beverage of Mr. Weasley- on the table. She returned to the stove to finish a batch of eggs, bacon, and toast for the oncoming rush.

She pasted the smile on her face and she could face the world. "Wow! That smells great Hermione!"

"Thanks Mr. Weasley" she replied, glancing over her shoulder.

"Call me Arthur, please."

She shrugged. Ever since she started living at the Burrow full time, the two Weasley parents had been trying to get her to call them by their first names. "Sorry I just can't get used to that. Will Mrs. … err… Molly be joining us?" His falling smile was all the answer she needed.

Mrs. Weasley had good and bad days. A good day was a normal day; she handles the death of George and her friends quite well. On a bad day, like today, they were lucky if she got up to use the loo. Hermione set up a tray with eggs, toast, and tea before walking it over to him. She put her hand on his arm in support before turning back to finish the cooking.

Soon after the rest of the house was sitting at the kitchen table stuffing their mouths. She swore up and down that Ron had to have some sort of gills to continue breathing the way he ate. Ginny and Harry ate heartily, but at least with some manners. By time she had finished serving and sat down to eat, everyone else was getting up to get about their day. Sighing heavily Hermione took a couple of bites of food before clearing the table.

"This is not the kind of life I want." She said out loud to no one in particular. A tapping at the window brought her attention to the present. She opened the window for the owl carrying a Daily Prophet and watched him land on the table. She put the payment in the pouch and gave the bird a crust of bread. Suddenly 4 owls come swooping through the window. Hogwarts letters. Why are there four? She thinks to herself. Her heart starts racing as she relieves the owls of their deliveries. She placed all of the letters on the table and fed the delivery owls some leftover toast before they left.

She found the letter with her name across the front and opened it while yelling for the others. She felt her mouth forming a smile, and had a fleeting thought of not remembering the last time she smiled was.

"Wow, why are you so cheery?" Ron asked

"Headmistress of Hogwarts has just sent us letters. They're having an "Eighth Year" class this year so we can finish our studies!"

* * *

Dear Ms. Granger

_In light of the war, we are aware many students did not get to finish their degrees at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The board and faculty of Hogwarts have decided that students will be allowed to return to the school to complete their years. It is not required, but is an option._

_Should you decide, we will announce you as Head Girl. With all that happened last year, we will need a strong headed, fair, intelligent person to take care of that position. To let us know of your decision, simply place your wand on one of the choices below._

⃝ _Yes, I will beattending_

⃝ _I will be attending, but decline the role of head girl_

⃝ _No, I will not be attending_

_We look forward to hearing from you_

_Sincerely,_

_Headmistress Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

Hermione smiled wide as she pulled her wand and tapped the first choice. Immediately a head girls badge and another letter appeared.

* * *

Dear Ms. Granger

_Congratulations on becoming Head Girl for this pivotal year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You will find attached you list of required materials for your new year. Please be sure to report to the Heads compartment on the Hogwarts Express to meet the head boy and instruct the prefects._

_Congratulations again and welcome back_

_Sincerely,_

_Headmistress Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

Hermione was pulled from reading over her book list by an angry shout from Ron.

"You're going back?" he said incredulously.

"Look who you're asking?" said Harry laughing, making me smile too.

"Of course I'm going back." She replied. "Why wouldn't I?"

"What about us?" Ron asked. I just looked at him.

"What about you? When was the last time, other than today, that you were in a room with me for more than 5 minutes? I do not mean at mealtimes Ronald"

"We're busy, Hermione. We have training and jobs." She sent a glare at him.

"And I don't do anything of importance do I? This is not what I will be doing for the rest of my life. I have the opportunity to finish my education and I am going to take it. I don't want an honorary certificate. I have worked damn hard for this and I deserve it! I want to receive my diploma from McGonagall. I know you two won't be returning, but I need to do this. I need to do something for me."

"You are so selfish 'Mione" came his retort. Hermione's mouth opened as her eyes began to flood.

"Ronald Weasley, you leave this room at once." Everyone's head snapped to see Molly Weasley standing in the doorway. "How dare you speak to your friend like that! She has been selfless, and a rock to keeping this family steady. Very far from the selfish you claim she is. You ought to be ashamed." The anger faded from her eyes as she looked at Hermione "You know we all love you and will miss you terribly. We want you to live your dream, dear" came Molly's soft voice.

Hermione began sobbing and covered her face. "I…I di..didn't me…mean" she got out between hiccups.

"Shh. Hermione, look at me." Deep brown eyes found dull blue ones. "I know that, I know. I am so thankful and grateful to you for helping our family these past months. You have been my blessing. You have let me heal. Let me heal you. I know you. You are the brightest witch of the age, if not more. We are so proud of you. Go home to Hogwarts." She gave Hermione a large hug as the younger girl began to cry.

She felt a few more pairs of arms around her and looked to see Arthur, Ginny and Harry all embracing her. Ron was red in the face and glared at them before turning on his heel.

* * *

**A/N: Its taking me some time to get used to the upload format here on , so it will take me some time to completely upload this story. It is complete though, so i hope to get it figured and uploaded soon. Also, please note my chapters tend to be fairly short and i apologize in advance for this :) I've also posted this over at AFF. **


	2. Scars

2. Scars

The next week was unbearable for Hermione. She kept up her routine of making breakfast in the morning for everyone but this time Molly joined her.

Ron never uttered a word.

By week's end, Molly was taking over her kitchen again, glad to be back in her element. By that weekend, Hermione had had it. Tired of his avoiding and feeding him to nothing more than a grunt she decided to confront him.

"Ron..."

"What do you want?" he snapped at her

"What is your problem?"

"You are. You're supposed to stay with m... us. "

Hermione didn't miss that slip. "We broke up months ago Ron, MONTHS. We agreed it was for the best. You were hoping I'd be the wife you wanted, just like your mom. I cannot sit in this house alone anymore!"

"Oh how the high and mighty have fallen", he sneered. "Problems being a house witch?"

"No, I kept you fed didn't I? That's not me Ron. Your mom is a brilliant witch; I'm not saying she's not. But we have different values. I want to go to school and learn and have a career of my own."

"You're hopeless" she heard him mutter.

"Maybe." She replied and watched the realization on his face that she had heard him, "but you are heartless."

Hermione left him standing in the hall and went to pack her bags. She sat on her bed in the dark, putting a locking and silencing spell on the door. The pressure of anger and depression was boiling over. She didn't want to do it, but felt like it was the only way to relieve the pressure building inside of her. She was weak. She fought the pressure the best she could, but it always came back. Almost like a compulsion, maybe even an addiction. But she felt better. It was like letting air out of a balloon. The pressure in her chest disappeared and she felt relieved… free. This is wrong… gods this is so wrong. Like the mudblood carved into me wasn't enough? I have to add more scars? "Why am I so weak!" she yelled to the empty room as the blood pooled.

She couldn't do it anymore, she decided. She couldn't pretend she didn't care about the glares and anger from her once best friend. The reality was it burned her.

A week before classes started, Hermione decided to say goodbye to the burrow and her second family. Molly tried to get her to stay, but soon realized it was a losing battle. She packed her some sandwiches and sweets. Everyone, well everyone who counted, wished her well. Ginny also fought to get her to stay, but saw in her friend's eyes the need to get away. They would see each other in a week. Ginevra Weasley had no choice but to go back to Hogwarts… or face an angry Molly.

Once outside the Burrow's wards, Hermione apparated to the Leaky Cauldron to get a room. The following day, she headed into Diagon Alley. It was one week from start of term, but Hermione wanted to get a head start on reading. She picked up all of her supplies, including some new robes and quills. She loved the smell of the bookstore and had a large smile on her face as soon as she walked in the door.

* * *

By week's end, Hermione was a nervous wreck. She spent her time reading and focusing on her studies, instead of the raging hippogriff that had settled in her stomach. When it came time to leave, she left as early as she could. She paid her room fees and got to Kings Cross Station with two hours to spare. She liked the quiet before the storm. No hysterical parents or students calling to each other… yet.

She loaded her trunk onto the train and walked to the Head's Compartment. She didn't know who the Head Boy would be, but just hoped he was easy to get along with. They shared a common room after all. She needed someone who would let her study and not be too distracting. Oh. And who would pull their own weight. Not too much to ask, is it?

Before relaxing, Hermione put on her school robes. Figuring it would be easier than waiting until they were too close to the school. Sitting down, she pulled out her latest Charms text and began rereading it. She had already read it through once, but was hoping to be able to actually practice the charms and wand movements when they reached the school. She was so engrossed in her book she didn't realize how much time had passed until the warning whistle blew. She peeked onto the platform and saw there weren't too many students left, so she sat back down.

She took her outer robe off of her shoulders and put it over her like a blanket, pulling it up to her chin. Her hair splayed around her face and tickled her forehead, putting her to sleep.

* * *

Draco Malfoy did not want to go back to Hogwarts. His father was dead, his mother was imprisoned, what did he have to live for anyway? But to keep himself out of Azkaban, the courts made a deal. Return to Hogwarts and graduate, also receiving NEWTS in muggle studies, and he could stay out of Azkaban. He needed an 'O' on the Muggle Studies NEWTS. How he was going to do that without ever having taken Muggle Studies was beyond him.

After the fighting was done, his family was taken by Aurors. Draco gave full confessions, with and without the use of veritaserum. They wanted to be sure after all. His father had been forced with veritaserum as had his mother. His father was kissed by the dementors a month later; his mother was sentenced to 5 years. Being a minor and coerced into doing the things he did, Draco was given the charge to graduate Hogwarts... Once he graduated, he was also required to live in close proximity to muggles. He was allowed magic in some circumstances, but would not be allowed house elves. He would be given a counselor to work with… some muggle who knew of the wizarding world no doubt.

He was also required to attend counseling sessions to work out his anger and depression issues. He blamed himself for so many deaths, not to mention he lost people too. Severus for one. His own godfather. He wished he had asked for the help, had accepted it when it was offered to him. Too late now though.

Then there was Crabbe. One of his only 'friends' at school. He didn't have any real friends. Only children of his father's friends. He and Goyle were more bodyguards or followers, but they were the closest things Draco had.

Snapping back to reality and the many glares he was receiving on the platform only further irritated him. He had a feeling Azkaban may have been a friendlier atmosphere for him.

He received his letter as he knew he would, but was shocked to see the Head Boy badge. Probably trying to keep me safe away from the Slytherin house commons, he thought miserably. He wondered who else would be returning this year, and also who would be Head Girl. Would it be one of the 7th years? Or someone from his own year now designated to be in eighth?

After many shoves, glares, and muttered threats, Draco loaded his trunk of the train. He headed down to the heads compartment and opened the doors to see the Head Girl sleeping. She looked nice enough from what he could see. Pale legs sticking out of the cloak that she had covering herself. All he could see other than that was a mass of shiny brown curls. Wait? Granger? It can't be.

He should have guessed as much. His only competition at school was bound to become the other Head. But what he didn't understand was why she was here. She was a war hero. She probably already knew more than any of the other students, him included. Hell, she probably outsmarted half the professors!

Draco continued to watch Hermione sleep, trying to understand why she would come back. Suddenly, she shifted and the cloak slid off her. There on her arm was all the proof he needed. The scars of the torture she received at his own home, by the hands of his own aunt. His breath caught in his throat at the reminder. He backed out of the compartment and slid down the opposite wall as the memory flashed before his eyes… his aunt using the cruciatus on the dirty mudblood. Carving the derogatory name into her arm… the very arm he had seen. He didn't want her to be hurt. But he couldn't do anything… his mother… he couldn't do anything but watch as they tortured all the people he cared for, how could he do something for someone he didn't.

But she wasn't just a mudblood by then. She was part of the golden trio- the three teenagers who were trying to save the world from evil while older wizards hid in their homes. They looked so thin and disheveled when they were brought in, it was all he could do to keep from crying. How were they going to save the world… save him… in that condition? No one knew what they were up to… they were alone.

Alone. Something Draco knew a lot about.

He felt the tears flowing down his face before he even realized the memory had taken hold. He snapped back to reality when he heard a thump coming from the compartment. He stood slowly to see the 7th year charms book on the floor- along with the rest of Granger's cloak. Her scar was completely visible, but so was her other arm.

What had happened to her? It was riddled with lines, pink and white. There was one more recent, still scabbing over. Why didn't she heal it with magic?

He also noticed how thin she was. He couldn't see her face, but from what he could see of her legs and arms, she was thin- too thin. She looked as if she would be too weak to move.

She looked as if she were having a nightmare. Draco decided to err to sensitivity. He was turning over a new leaf, after all. Actually he felt like he was just embracing his own ways- his own ideals. Others would view it as changing his ways. Might as well start with the person who would hate him the most.

He picked up the cloak and covered her again. He backed up to the door so as not to shock her too much. He cleared his throat once and she startled awake. She had her wand in her hand pointed at Draco before he could even blink. "Granger?" he said slowly. "Head Boy, Head Girl, we're going to Hogwarts."

She blinked slowly processing the information and looking around her. Suddenly her wand dropped. "Sorry" she said shortly. Draco noticed the battle readiness in her stance and the fire in her eyes. Once she relaxed enough the fire was gone- actually everything was. Her eyes, normally a bright brown full of life and intelligence, were just brown. Where is Hermione Granger? Draco asked himself.

"It's okay. The Prefect meeting is in about 10 minutes, do you want to go over what we need to say to them?" He continued looking her over, noticing the paleness of her complexion- beating his own near translucent skin. Wasn't she usually tan after summer? Damn… when did he actually notice that? Okay… maybe he knew when, just not ready to admit it yet…

She looked at him with her head tilted to the side "Sure..." she responded and slipped her cloak on properly, careful to turn her back to him as she did, not letting her forearms be bare in his site.

The two heads chatted about patrol schedules and possible events for the new school year. They were sure they wanted to plan a couple of dances to help loosen and ease the atmosphere. They both jumped when there was a knock on the door before the prefects slid in.

The meeting lasted a half hour in which the Heads discussed their ideas with the others. "If you have any other ideas, please feel free to come to us" Hermione said.

"How about not having a mudblood for Head Girl" Came a voice from the back wall. Draco moved so fast, the boy seemed to not know how he got pressed to the wall. Everyone near him had scattered as soon as they heard the foul word, so getting to him was easy.

"You will not use that word in her presence. Do you understand me? That word is forbidden. If I hear it one more time from you or anyone else," Draco looked around the compartment "then I will have your badge. Don't doubt me. I'm as Slytherin as they come." He let the boy go and let him drop to the floor.

"Err… I think that's it for the meeting?" Hermione looked at Draco and he nodded. "Okay yeah.. yes. Next meeting will be Thursday at 7 after dinner. Be on time and come with ideas." She finished with a smile. With this the prefects headed out, including the boy on the floor who crab walked backwards out before Draco slammed the door.

He stood looking at the door for a minute trying to catch his breath. He felt her eyes on the back of his head.

"What?" He finally asked, turning to stare in her empty eyes.


	3. New Beginnings

A/N: Angsty! possible triggers! you are warned

* * *

3. New Beginnings

Hermione didn't know what to say. Was this a joke? Did Draco Malfoy actually just threaten someone for using mudblood against her? When he finally turned around to face her staring eyes she found her tongue.

"I.. I.. don't know." She finally stuttered out.

"Wow. The ultimate know it all doesn't know something. Please, enlighten me as to what it is that you don't you know Granger?"

She sneered at his condescending tone, but decided to be honest. "Why are you being so nice? Since when are you savior of the mudbloods- and don't you dare yell at me for using the term" she said as she watched his mouth open. "What game are you playing at Malfoy? Cause I'll tell you now, I'm not playing it with you."

He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes for a minute before speaking. "No game. New life." He opened his eyes and she looked at him confused. "I'm not who I was last year. I… I'm trying to change. To change to who _I_ want to be, who I'm supposed to be. Not who my father was molding me to be. Who I was… well… that was a mini version of my father that I forced to the surface to keep from being beat. I'm not playing a game." He repeated "Besides we're sharing a common room, least I can do is make nice with my new roomie." He smirked at her.

She looked at him wary. _Okay, let's see how this goes. I can always owl Harry if things get suspicious_. She stuck her hand out to him which he stared at. It was a sort of challenge; see if he would touch her. It didn't take long before he had her hands in his and they shook once, before jerking back as if they'd been shocked. Actually she had. She narrowed her eyes at him, but watched as he looked at her wide eyed. He put his hands out in front of him in an "I didn't do it" gesture. She nodded once in understanding.

"New beginnings" She said simply

"New beginnings" he replied smiling. A real smile. _Wait? Smiling? Draco Malfoy, king of smirks and evil grins was smiling. I'm definitely going to have to be careful._

* * *

The Great Hall looked empty. Tables were not even half full- and the Slytherin table only had about ten students. Draco walked over to this table and sat down at the opposite end. Anyone who was close, slipped further down.

He noticed the prefect from the train glaring at him- he looked up and the boy blanched. _Don't be stupid_, he thought to the boy.

The sorting ceremony went fast. Just as there were only 10 kids at Slytherin, there were only 8 kids to sort- only one of which ended up in the house of the serpent. After dinner, the prefects led their houses to the common rooms and Hermione and Draco headed to meet the headmistress to be led to their own.

The front portrait of their dorms was. They both gasped as they climbed through the portrait. The common room looked like a place away from home. Both left and right walls were nothing but shelves of books. The fireplace was directly in front of them, with a loveseat set before it. On either side of the fireplace was a stair case. They listened to the Headmistress explain the setting- stairs on the right were for Draco, left were for Hermione. Each room was protected by a password. Between the two rooms, essentially behind the fireplace was a shared bathroom.

Draco looked out of the corner of his eye and knew what he would see. Granger was staring and the shelves and shelves of books- no doubt calculating how many she could read this year.

Finally they heard McGonagall ask if they had any questions. Both of them shook their heads. "Well, It is late and classes do start tomorrow. Here are your class schedules" the students put their hands out to get the pieces of parchment. "Good night then."

After McGonagall left, Hermione walked towards her stairs. "Good Night Malfoy"

"Night Granger" he replied.

But neither of them could sleep. Hermione was tossing and turning with nightmares of Malfoy Manor and the fight with Ron at the Burrow. _Why did he have to be such a prat? I'm not selfish am I? Damn them. Why do I always have to feel alone? I feel like I'm 11 years old again- alone in a place where I have no friends… alone._

In the Head Boy's dorm, Draco was tortured by nightmares of his time serving the Dark Lord. Death of Professor Burbage, Hogwarts former Muggle Studies teacher a recurring one. Followed by the golden trio's time at the Manor. And the many other things he witnessed death eaters do. _Why did I have to be there? My bastard of a father had to follow the dark wizard didn't he? Just had to give me, his only son, to said wizard. I've never felt so alone. _

* * *

Hermione woke the next day groggy and out of sorts. She looked at her clock to see it was 5am already. Knowing she would not be falling back to sleep, she decided to get up and get ready. She knocked on the bath to make sure Draco wasn't in there yet and got showered and dressed. She was sitting on the couch by 6am when Draco's door opened. They both headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Teasing each other on the way

"Geez Malfoy, you primp more than a girl"

"Not my fault I'm so beautiful."

And their banter continued.

The silence in the hall was deafening as they entered. Hermione went over to Gryffindor table and sat next to Ginny, while Malfoy headed over to his empty seat at Slytherin.

Hermione really would rather be sitting next to Draco. _Gods Ginny shut up about Harry! _She thought as her friend kept chatting away. But her friend was oblivious. Hermione was ecstatic for her friends, but didn't need it to be rubbed in her face. She would never be house wife material. She would never be beautiful enough for that fact to be overlooked. All wizards wanted a house witch. A wife to stay home cooking and cleaning and popping out babies.

But Hermione grew up in the muggle world where women were leaders and Healers and more than just head of society clubs. She had dreams and aspirations of something more than that. Feeling like her chest and head were going to explode, Hermione interrupted Ginny. It was after a 10 minute constant stream, so her friend wasn't too upset.

"I forgot my parchment in my room Ginny! I'm sorry we'll catch up at lunch"

"OK Mione, see you later!"

She nodded and smiled before heading out of the hall. She didn't understand why she got this way- she felt so isolated and angry. The angrier she got the more she wanted to hurt. Almost as if she were punishing herself_. Well shouldn't you? _Her conscience declared_. You left your friends, you were selfish. Don't you know they needed you?_ Hermione just wanted to scream out her frustrations. She ran to the 2nd floor girls bathroom and slammed the door. She cast a locking and silencing charm behind her before she screamed.

She screamed with anger. Pain. Loneliness. Depression. Love. Despair.

It felt like every emotion she ever felt was trying to rip its way out of her. When her voice was hoarse, and the screams stopped, Hermione took in deep breaths. _Where was she? Did she hurt herself? _She began to take inventory._ Well... knees are a bit sore, fingers hurt and head hurts… _She moved her hands and noticed she had been pulling her hair out. "Damnit" she muttered to herself. Looking around she realized the bathroom was a disaster. Mirror broken, sinks shattered, stall doors hanging off the hinges.

She picked up a piece of glass and rolled up her sleeve. "Last time… it has to be." She felt the warmth flowing down her arm and sighed. She used tissue paper to slow the bleeding, knowing it would take time for it to close up. She used her wand to quickly repair the bathroom back to its original state, including her piece of glass.

Hermione cleaned herself off as much as she could, glamouring her face so that the red eyes couldn't be seen. She undid the silencing spell and jumped as she heard someone banging on the door. "Granger! Hermione!" a male voice was yelling on the other side of the door "Are you okay? Open this door!"

"What the…" she muttered as she unlocked the door


	4. Open the Door!

4. Open the Door!

Draco watched Hermione from across the hall. The female Weasley was chatting about something and Hermione was listening… for the first minute. He watched as her eyes started to glaze over, taking on a pained look. But she still smiled. When she finally interrupted her friend, Hermione headed out the hall. She looked to be hurrying and he could tell something was wrong. _How can you tell? You don't know her? _No, but he did know how to read people…

He followed her out of the hall and watched her run up to Moaning Myrtles bathroom. He hadn't visited the gloomy ghost for far too long. She let him cry and talked to him when he had been assigned the tasks in his 6th year. She was kind. A friend.

Why was she running? He tried to follow her into the bathroom, but she had put up a locking charm. He put his ear to the door and could only hear buzzing. Silencing charm too… damn! What was wrong?

Moaning Myrtle came floating by "oh, Hello Draco" she said batting her lashes. "You haven't been by in so long" she pouted

"I'm so sorry Myrtle, you know how crazy it has been these past couple of years. But I'm back this year and will be by to talk. Promise." He smiled a genuine smile at her and he could have sworn he saw her blush.

"Why are you in the hall?"

"My friend is inside and has put up a locking and silencing spell. I got worried for her."

"Would you like me to check on her for you?" Draco nodded. Myrtle stuck her head through the door and pulled out moments later- now paler. "Oh dear."

"Is she ok? What's wrong? What do you mean 'oh dear'? Myrtle?"

"She's having a hard time Draco, like you have in the past. I don't know what her problem is." she replied glumly. "I tried to get her attention but it was no use. Sorry Draco. Come and see me again" and she floated away.

"Oh crap… now what? Okay I can't hear her, but maybe she can hear me." He began banging on the door "Hermione! Hermione! Granger! Open this door!" silence.

He tried again "Granger! Hermione! Are you okay? Open this door!"

He heard the door unlock and was looking at the shocked face of Hermione "What the…?" she said

"Are you okay? I saw you run down this way and then put the charms up. Myrtle said you were having a rough time. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay, thank you" and she turned to leave, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

"Really, that's all you're going to give me?"

"What do you want from me Malfoy?" she snapped. "I don't know you. I can't be your friend over night! I know you said you've changed and are continuing to change, but I can't just let you in suddenly as if we've been friends forever. Why can't you understand that? Back off."

He let out a heavy sigh. "Yes I understand. It just looked like you needed a friend is all."

"Thank you, I appreciate it I do, but you have to understand the awkwardness of this" Hermione said as she crossed her arms. "I'm here alone and the only person who is showing any interest in me as a friend is my former enemy."Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her fidgeting. She was tugging at her sleeves making sure her arms were covered.

"Alright. Let's get going to class. Can't have the Head Boy and Girl be late on the first day, now can we? Please? Can we?" he said in an all too sweet pleading voice, trying to calm her nerves. She looked at him through narrowed eyes, but couldn't help smiling.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the mudblood and the blood traitor." They heard a voice sneer behind them. Hermione's smile slipped immediately. She turned to the voice, wand in hand.

"Oh Granger! Duels in the corridors?" Nott replied and then clicked his tongue at her.

"Head Girl leniency you know? Oh and I'm sure me being part of the Golden Trio won't hurt either." She sneered. Sparks flew dangerously from the end of her wand and Nott paled slightly.

Everyone knew of her role in the war, knew of what she had been through and done. Besides just knowing, they had _seen _her at the battle.

"Draco?"

"Nott. Can I help you?"

"Call off the mudblood."

"Don't think I can do that. She is of her own mind you know. First- she is the Head Girl and deserves respect. Second- don't use that word to her EVER AGAIN. Last… I think not. I'd rather like to see her kick your arse. I may even turn a blind eye…" he trailed off as Nott paled further.

Hermione spoke up again. "Oh my my. You don't look so well Mr. Nott. Maybe you should see Madam Pomfrey before you end up with Skelegrow on your menu."

Nott turned around with a sneer on his face and a hiss from his throat. "You'll be sorry"

The two heads just walked away and Draco barely heard Hermione's replied whisper, "Already am."


	5. Closed Doors and Apologies

5. Closed Doors and Apologies

"What are you looking at?" Hermione snapped at Draco. He had been staring at her through all her classes trying to figure her out. He found quite quickly that leglimens wouldn't work on her. By the end of the day, in the privacy of their common room, she finally snapped.

"I'm sorry!" he said hands up in defeat.

"What is your problem" she seethed "I thought 'new beginnings' were in order. Why are you bothering me?" she asked before storming off to her door.

"I honestly am sorry Gra... Hermione." She froze at the sound of her first name and turned around. "After that incident in Myrtles bathroom this morning I'm concerned"

"Why are you concerned with me? We aren't even friends. I have friends, _Malfoy._"

The poison in her words was too much. "Oh do you now? Where are they? Where are Potty and the Weasel?" He asked just as scornful. "You're all alone here Granger."

He was shocked to not hear a retort on her face. She looked as if she had been slapped. Draco took a step towards her, but she ran into the bath, locking the door as she entered. He still followed and began yelling at the door. "Granger I'm sorry!" He yelled. He sat outside the door for what felt like hours before he heard her speak.

"No you're not. Why would you be sorry if you're right?" her voice came from above him as she stepped out to walk to her bedroom.

"Well," he said, trying for a bit of humor, "if it's any consolation, I'm not exactly the life of the party here, am I?" But he got no smile, no response. She dragged her feet into her room and closed her door. He heard the lock click seconds before he heard her sobs.

He didn't bother her this time, knowing he would get no response. He headed back to his room. "I'm such an arse" he yelled at himself, pulling at his hair. _I'm not my father and yet I still act like him. Anger and hatred put into words. Why did I say that to her? _He thought to himself. Out loud he yelled "Damn it!" _I need to make amends. I will not start this year off like this. _With that last thought, Draco began planning.

* * *

Hermione was so tired. She locked herself in the bathroom, willing the tears to come. Nothing did. The more she thought about his venomous words, the more she realized he was right. As soon as her own door was locked, she threw herself on her bed and finally cried. She didn't care anymore. Why was she here?

Hermione woke the next morning, desperately wanting more sleep. She gave in to herself, deciding to sleep in and skive off classed for the day. An hour or so later, she smelt the aroma of coffee and raspberry scones. Nothing was in her room, but the smell was still nearby. She was starving and would love some coffee.

She crawled out of bed and tip toed across her room. She cracked her door open to see if anyone, okay let's be honest here… to see if Malfoy was outside her door. But no one was. On the floor in front of her door was a tray with coffee and scones. Her mouth drooled at the sight and she immediately picked up a scone to munch on as she made her way to the bathroom. After her shower, Hermione decided to take her breakfast to the living room. Bending down to pick up the tray, she noticed a piece of folded parchment. She picked it up and read. Her eyes getting wider, word-by-word.

* * *

_Hermione, _

_I really am truly sorry for the way I behaved last night. I am so very disappointed in myself for releasing my anger on you. I hope at some point we can become acquaintances. Perhaps even friends. _

_Our past is murky, and that's putting it mildly. But I am no longer that 11 year old boy full of hate and lies. I hope you can accept this apology for last night. I will not bother you anymore. _

_I know you are alone here, but so am I. So again, I'm sorry. _

_D.M._

* * *

Hermione was shocked at the apology. She poured herself some coffee, loving that he thought to put a warming charm on it. Maybe she did need a friend… he sure did._ "_Damn my bleeding heart taking care of everyone but me!" she said to an empty room. "Fine" she grumbled to herself having made her decision.

She dressed in Jeans and a t-shirt and headed to the common room to do some studies. He probably wouldn't be back until tonight, so she wasn't worried about bare arms. She pulled out her Potions textbook and began to read, hoping that she wouldn't be missed too much.

Hermione stayed up in her room all day long. She had eaten the scones and drank her fill of coffee. Her notes and textbook were spread around her and, soon after the sun set, she was fast asleep.

Draco returned to the tower concerned. Every time he had tried to make his way here during the day, something got in his way. Peeves, Slytherins, and Gryffindors, oh my! Finally after dinner he got free made a run for the Heads' rooms.

He entered cautiously not knowing what to expect. She had obviously been studying, what with all the papers strewn all over the place. He was surprised she skipped classes. That was not Hermione Granger. He now knew for sure that there was something wrong. He noticed that the tray he had left her was empty. "At least she ate something", he murmured.

He saw her sprawled on the couch, taking notice of her arms again. He noticed there were two new red lines. He watched her sleep for a minute before deciding. He left that note and was completely honest with her. Draco had no friends here either. Maybe they could at least be semi-friendly. He lifted her up "Come on sleepy head." He murmured. She was truly out cold. She must not be sleeping well either.

Even after seeing her thin frame, Draco was concerned at how light she was. Everything about this girl in his arms screamed 'Help Me!'

Why had nobody noticed? Where were Potter and Weasley anyway? How could they let their girl get this way? Draco wanted to rush her to Madam Pomfrey or St Mungo's but knew in his heart she would never forgive him if he did. As it was, he was privy to her secret scars, and she didn't even know he knew.

Draco opened Hermione's door and got her set up in her bed. He pulled the covers over her body, including her arms. Tomorrow was another day. If she kept this up he would have to confront her.


	6. Making Amends

6. Making Amends

When morning dawned, Hermione was shocked. _How did I get in my bed? I slept all night?_

She pulled her covers off and remembered her short sleeve shirt. _Oh crap… he saw… he's going to tell. They're going to send me away for sure. I'll be even lower than muggle born. Gods… what will I do? Okay, hold off… wait to see if he says anything._

Hermione showered and dressed in her school robes and headed to the common room. Her books from the night before were still on the table, so she organized it all and waited for Draco. She was fidgeting with her sleeves, looking at the floor when she heard the room to his door open. "Morning" he said.

"Er.. Good morning" she said awkwardly. "Umm.. thanks… for you know… yesterday… scones and … and all."

"No problem. That couch really is not very comfortable to sleep on." she nodded "I left your papers because I didn't know if you had them organized or not."

"That's ok, they were and I've got them packed up now." He started stepping down the stairs. She could see he wanted to say something to her. Hermione was not one with the ability to hide her feelings. Right now she was scared. Scared he knew her secret... and what he would do with it.

But what he had to say made her smile nervously and let out a sigh of relief. "Want to get some breakfast?" Draco read her nervousness. There was no way he would confront her now.

"Yeah, sure."

But before they moved, he shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Granger… I really am sorry about what I said."

"It's ok now. Let's go eat I'm famished!" and the two heads walked down.

No one seemed to notice that she was gone all day yesterday. Well, other than being ambushed by the little Weasley. Ginny was worried about her friend. She tried to get her to eat more and find out where she was the day prior. Hermione told her, and anyone in hearing range, that she had some 24-hour stomach bug and had woken up sick. When asked why she didn't go to Madam Pomfrey, she told them that she was too busy enjoying the cool bathroom floor. By time the Head Boy had come back, she was feeling better and decided to sleep it off. Hermione repeated this story when approached by the Headmistress and the professors of the classes she had missed. Everyone believed her.

Well, everyone but a grey eyed boy across the Great Hall.

Draco heard her tell her story in each class. In the first class he was shocked when she mentioned his name, but looking into her pleading eyes he agreed with her story. He noticed her picking at the food on her plate meal after meal. She had to be starving.

After dinner, well for Hermione a roll, they sat in their common room doing homework for the day's classes; Hermione cross-legged on the loveseat, Draco on an armchair nearby. He didn't stare at her, but kept glancing her way. She finally got fed up and was in a playful sort of mood.

"Dracoooo please stop!" She whined, the corners of her mouth twitching. He looked at her straight on this time. "Sorry" he mumbled

But he went back to it 5 minutes later. Fed up with the stares, Hermione put her parchment and quill on the table and stared at him. The next time he glanced up, he was looking into her brown eyes. "er…" was all he could come up with.

"Really? 'Er'? What is it Malfoy? Spit it out? I know I had short sleeves on when you carried me to my room. You're not a stupid boy and you're very observant- too much so in actuality. So what? What's the problem?"

"Scars" was all he said, looking down into his lap before looking up again. Hermione nodded and waved her hand at him to continue. "I saw the scars from Bellatrix. I thought they would have healed over. I never thought… I didn't know you had a reminder." He looked up to her with pain in his eyes. "I. Am. So. Sorry." He took a shuddering breath. "I am so sorry for what you had to go through in my home. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more. I'm so sorry I was too weak to for anything but follow my father and a mad man. I'm so sorry."

Hermione could see the raw pain and pleading in his eyes. He was sorry, of that she was sure. "But it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything." As soon as the words left her mouth she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Draco looked to his clenched hands with slumped shoulders.

"That's the point, though, isn't it?" he asked with a sneer, more to himself than anything else

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Hermione stood from the couch and walked over to Draco, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I forgive you Draco." She felt him shudder beneath her hand. "I want you to know that you are not to blame. I don't blame you in any way. The past is the past. The war is gone. Let's move forward, not backwards." She stood by him holding his shoulder until she could feel his shaking stop. She moved back to her spot on the loveseat.

Hermione pulled her papers back towards her and returned to writing her charms essay. She let him have his solitude, leaving him to peace to pull himself together. After about 5 minutes, he cleared his throat and asked the question she was dreading. "The others?"

"The other what?" She asked feigning ignorance. He just smirked at her, knowing full well there was nothing ignorant about the woman sitting in front of him. "Fine, fine." He looked at her expectantly. "No I didn't mean fine I would tell you, I mean fine as in I knew what you were referring too."

"Hermione…"

"No. Today is only the second day of classes Draco. That is very personal information that I'm not comfortable sharing with you…" she watched as his face fell. "We're not there yet Draco, we may never be. I promise you though, when I need to talk about it, I'll come to you. Okay?" He nodded in assent. "But I need you to promise me something Draco." He looked at her again. "Don't tell a soul what you've seen. You cannot tell anyone about any of it. Nothing you saw and nothing that I may tell you in the future about what you saw. Can you do that?"

"Of course" he said with a determined look.

Hermione let out a sigh of relief. She glanced a Look at the clock. "Oh gods" she said as she yawned and stretched. "It's already 11. We've got patrols tomorrow, so I'm going to get as much sleep as I can tonight. Good night, Draco."

"Night, Hermione"

Draco felt like his head was going to explode. Not from the essay that sat before him half finished, but from everything Hermione had said to him. _I don't blame you in any way... The past is the past... The war is gone... Let's move forward, not backwards._ Her words were like a mantra floating through his mind. He felt the pressure that had been around his heart since that fateful day in the manor, lift a bit.

Then there was the rest of the conversation. She couldn't tell him, but maybe later. She also promised if she needed to talk about it, she would talk to him. _It's better than nothing_, he thought. _It's better than her thinking she has no one._

And with that, Draco headed to his own bed.


	7. Hogsmeade

7. Hogsmeade

The next couple of weeks followed the same routine as the first day. Hermione would wake early and shower and dress, then wait for Draco. They would then walk down to the Great Hall for breakfast, chatting about the classes they had or homework that was due. After dinner, which Hermione was eating more and more of, they would retire to the common room and do their essays, helping each other out with questions here and there.

The only time the routine was marred was on the nights of the prefect meetings and nights they patrolled.

Hermione found it easy to talk to Draco. She could see he found his education important. But not only that, he was intelligent as well. He was a great conversationalist and Hermione enjoyed his company.

During the third week of school, the week of Hermione's birthday, the prefect meeting was focused on the events that would be held. One item agreed on by all who attended the meetings was a school dance. Well two to be exact. A Holiday Ball before the Christmas Break, and a Graduation Ball for graduates and their dates. They agreed because of NEWTS and the heavy course load that two would be enough.

The following weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend and Hermione was on the wall about going or not. Ginny had already told her she was taking her to the Three Broomsticks and no arguments were to be had. Hermione also owled Harry Ron to see if they could come by. She had been owling her friends once a week about how classes were going. She didn't mention Draco too much, just that he was at the school, Head Boy, and not causing her any problems. "Trust me, Harry, if he were, you'd know straight away" she wrote. She had to write to Ron as well, more out of habit than need.

But with her owls sent, only 4 by now to each boy, she had received none in return. She was starting to sink back into the black hole of depression. She began eating less again and not getting as much sleep. Draco noticed the change in her immediately but didn't want to push the matter. That Friday he asked her if she was going into Hogsmeade "Yeah, Ginny'll hex me if I don't". Draco chuckled at that answer, knowing full well she wasn't exaggerating. That red head was a force to be reckoned with.

"Are Potter and Weasley going to come visit then?" He asked, and then watched her eyes darken. "I only ask because I was wondering if I could join you. I know if they come it would be easier for the both of us if they didn't see us chatting all friendly."

She let out a sigh. "Honestly Draco, I don't know. I've been writing since school started and haven't received one letter in return. I asked them specifically to come this weekend because of my..." she cut herself off before she told Draco of the occasion "my er... missing them. But just in case, not this weekend, okay?" She really did want him to come, but didn't want him to know about her birthday.

He knew she was lying, but also knew better than to push her. He really felt like they were becoming friends. "Alright. I understand." He said smiling. But it was a real smile because he really did understand.

When Saturday dawned, the two roommates followed their usual routine, opting for casual clothes instead of the school robes. It was unusually warm for the season, so Hermione opted for a tank top and light sweater over a denim knee length skirt. Her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail and she threw on some ballet flats to complete the look. They headed to breakfast together chatting about seemingly nothing, but in reality everything.

When it came time to head to town, Draco patted her on the back quick before heading back to his commons. She was his only friend this year and he didn't feel like getting stares from students AND the business owners of Hogsmeade.

Hermione met up with Ginny outside of the doors. She knew Draco understood why she couldn't have him there with her, but she still felt bad. And if she was honest with herself, she felt kind of sad too. Turning to her friend with a smile, the two began walking. "Have you heard from the boys? Are they coming?" Hermione asked nonchalantly.

"Harry is in training and it's hard for him to have any free time. The only one I've heard from is mum."

"How is she?"

"Hermione, she is great. Almost back to her old self. She still has days, but she no longer spends them wallowing in sorrow curled up in bed. She's taken to activities to help relieve the sadness! Merlin, Hermione, you'll never know what she was doing last week!" Hermione looked at her friend quizzically. "She was degnoming the garden… I mean… full out twirling and tossing gnomes over the far wall." By the time Ginny finished telling her about Molly's 'therapy' of gnome throwing, the girls were laughing so hard there were tears coming from their eyes.

They headed through the crowded streets of Hogsmeade and straight into the Three Broomsticks. Hermione found a table while Ginny headed to get the drinks.

"Well… if it isn't the filthy little mudblood" Hermione heard a sneer behind her. She decided to ignore the voice. She knew the sickly sweet snobbish voice of Astoria Greengrass and didn't need to turn around to see her. She looked up to see where Ginny was to see that her table, and anyone's view of her, was blocked by a group of Slytherins.

"What the hell Greengrass?" she said with a hint of anger in her voice. She could feel her wand in her pocket, but could also see the angle or the arms of the group around her that they already had theirs trained on her. _Fuck._ She thought to herself.

"You're right, you're in hell Granger" answered another Slytherin.

She couldn't help it then. She laughed. "oh.. haha… that… that was… so… hahaha… corny"

"Shut it you bitch!" Greengrass stated. Hermione's laughter had subsided and she only had giggles now and again. Then she watched in horror as all students shared a look and knew what would happen. Just as the curses headed for her, Hermione's adrenaline kicked in and she created a wandless shield. The force of so many hexes against her shield, still send Hermione flying off her seat and into the wall.

Things were a blur after that. Hermione didn't black out, but watched stars and black spots across her eyelids. When she looked up from her place on the floor, she noticed all 4 students pushing their way out the door. Ginny had been looking for Hermione and watched in horror as her friend flew from her chair. She was only able to catch Greengrass with the full-body curse, with the rest running away.

The room was chaos. Everyone was running to be sure Hermione was okay. "I'm fine. I'm fine!" she yelled. Someone had sent a patronus up to the school to let the teachers know that someone would collect Greengrass. A couple of prefects stood to either side of the stiff girl. "Alright you two, get her up to the school. The teachers are expecting her." Hermione told them.

When people started fussing over her Hermione remembered her position and what happened to a student who was thrown against walls. A certain madam Pomfrey would want her to put in a hospital gown, but that would show her scars. She decided she didn't want that to happen. "Ginny!" she called. The red head bounded over to her friend and crouched in front of her.

"You alright 'Mione?"

"Yeah, fine, just bruised. Can you help me up. I really don't feel like spending my night in the hospital wing and I think if I stick around, that just might happen." Ginny looked disapprovingly "Please Gin? I don't want to spend my birthday in the hospital." That did it. Ginny's wall crumbled and nodded in assent.

"Move!" she yelled into the crowd. Ginny helped Hermione stand and then led her out. They made their way up to the castle slowly.

Ginny led Hermione to the Heads' rooms and let her go. "Sure you're alright?" She asked for the millionth time.

"Positive. Thanks Ginny. I really didn't want to spend my birthday in the hospital wing."

"Alright, just promise me that you'll go if you don't feel well tomorrow."

"Promise"

Unbeknownst to the two friends, a certain blonde hair grey eyed wizard could hear every word through the portrait.


	8. A Gift

8. A Gift

While Draco wanted to spend more time with Hermione, he understood why he had to stay behind. He was also partially happy.

After talking with Hermione about her scars a few weeks ago, Draco began researching. He knew she was self conscious about her arms. The week before he finally found a way to charm a piece of jewelry to hide blemishes. The original charm was made for hiding freckles and the like, but with a little tweaking, Draco was able to create one for scars. He was finishing up the second bracelet when he heard the two girls in the hallway.

He heard Weasley ask Hermione if she was alright and he was wondering why. _Hope Potty and Weasel didn't cause problems, _he though to himself. But the next line took his breath away.

He heard Hermione clear as day. "Positive. Thanks Ginny. I really didn't want to spend my birthday in the hospital wing." _Birthday? Hospital wing?_ What the hell happened?

When Hermione stepped through the portrait, it was all Draco could do to keep running to find who hurt her.

Hermione was disheveled to say the least. She winced as she walked and he noticed the bruises forming on her knees.

"What happened? What was that red said about the hospital wing?"

"I'm fine!" Hermione yelled, then winced. "Okay I'm not one hundred percent, but I have been worse." She winced again as she sat on the couch. "Know any healing spells" she asked hopefully.

"Tell me what happened." And she did. Surprising both herself and Draco. Hermione told him all about the confrontation, wandless shield, crash into the wall and begging Ginny not to let her go to the hospital wing. "Take off your sweater." She looked at him skeptically. "Hermione, I've already see the scars. I need to see the damage." She hissed as she slid her sweater off her shoulders. "I hate to tell you this but you're really not alright. It looks like you may have a slight fracture in your shoulder, and there's dried blood in your hair, meaning possible concussion. I'm surprised you weren't knocked out."

"I can't go to the hospital wing Draco" she pleaded with him.

"Why not?" She held her arms out to prove her point.

"They'll think I'm crazy. No one can know. No one can see." She began to cry in earnest. Draco knelt in front of her on the couch. "Well, I didn't know it was your birthday, but I was making you a Yule present. Might as well see if it works." Hermione's face went from shock to hearing he was getting her something, to confusion as to wondering what he could get her that would have to 'work' in any way.

Draco walked into his room and retrieved two bracelets- one of braided leather in green and gold, the other silver and red. "May I?" she nodded. He slid a bracelet on each wrist and watched as they fit automatically to her. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Interesting colors" she said.

He chuckled "Interhouse unity and all that" he laughed. "Is that all you have to say though?" She looked at him in confusion. He held her hand in his and ran a hand over her scarred arm. She shivered at his touch and could feel his fingers brush over the scar tissue, but as she followed his hand, she could see nothing but smooth skin.

"You.. wha.. how did you.. oh gods… amazing" she gushed and smiled at him. A real, large smile.

"A modified glamour charm. I'm very glad you like them. Right now they just hide them visibly, but I'm hoping to work on the charm to also hide the feeling. I'll show you how to add to them and refresh the spell." She nodded excitedly about learning something new.

"Thank you so much, Draco." She said with tears in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck, gasping at the pain, but enjoying the feel of him. She breathed in relief when he didn't push her away, but put his hands lightly on her waist. She breathed in slowly, inhaling his scent. She could pick out Sandalwood, and the herbal Dragon's Blood. These scents relaxed her more, but she couldn't think as to why- with her head fuzzy and all.

Draco relaxed into the hug, loving the feeling of being in her arms. He felt her wince at the pain of her movements, but she relaxed so easily into his arms that he didn't want to move her. _Yes, keep telling yourself that. That's the only reason, huh?_ The voice in his head admonished. _Shut up!_ The other voice replied. Breathing in, Draco caught the lightest scent of Jasmine coming off of her.

They were brought out of their reverie by a knock on the door. They were shocked to see a very disgruntled looking Headmistress. "You will follow me to the hospital wing, Miss Granger and you will stay there until the nurse lets you free."

"But…" she started, but faltered at the glare she was receiving "… my birthday" she finished in a quiet voice.

"My dear, the longer you wait, the longer you will be in pain. Mr. Malfoy, I would appreciate it if you could grab the Head Girl's books and possibly some of your own. I want to make sure she stays there." Draco nodded his understanding and with that the Headmistress turned and walked with an unwilling patient.

Draco immediately grabbed their book bags, and also the book on charms that he was reading. Although the scars weren't visible, they could still be felt.

He saw the pain in her eyes every day. He knew she pushed it down, but he also knew that no matter how hard she pushed, it would eventually bubble over. He wanted to save her. _Slytherin Prince and Gryffindor Princess, Pureblood and mudblood- no not mudblood. _He had seen plenty of blood in the war to know it all looks the same.


	9. Hospital Wing

A/N: I'm not a fan of the Ron/Hermione pairing at all, and I'm one to picture Ron being abrasive, condescending, and aggressive. Very sorry if anyone is offended by my views, but this is my story and how its flowing. Don't yell at my Muse either. She's been very generous to me! ***grins***

* * *

9. Hospital Wing

Draco arrived to the wing to see a grim McGonagall, a flustered Madam Pomfrey, and an arrogant Head Girl. The latter sat on a bed with her arms tight against her chest. He knew a lost battle when he saw one… unfortunately neither the Headmistress nor the nurse did.

"Really Hermione!" came McGonagall's stern voice.

"Miss Granger, I really do insist on my checking you out completely"

"No." she said, pulling her arms tighter to her chest and shocking the other two women. "I was thrown against a wall- check my back that's all I need checked. I am of age and have the right to refuse any treatment."

Draco cleared his voice to announce his presence. "Madam Pomfrey, I was able to look at Miss Grangers back momentarily in the Head's common room. I believe she may have a concussion and a fractured shoulder." Both women gasped at this news. "I don't mean to be rude, but maybe we could fix the worse before searching for something that is probably not even there?"

"Fine alright." The nurse replied, looking shocked at his reply, noting there was no longer a condescending tone to accompany his voice. She immediately turned back to the Head Girl. "But you young lady better not be coming to me with a broken wrist." At that everyone relaxed. The Head Girl wincing as she did so.

"Miss Granger, you need to put on a school hospital gown please." Madam Pomfrey said as the Headmistress walked out. She then turned to get some potions, Hermione turned to Draco "Thank you" she mouthed and smiled slightly. Draco nodded his head at her.

He turned around and sat with his back facing Hermione. He heard her hiss and curse under her breath, then begin to breathe heavier. He chanced a glance over his shoulder to see a pale, swaying Hermione holding onto the bed. She was still dressed, but shaking. "Hermione…?" he asked. She looked up and he watched as her face paled. He just made it to her side as she began to collapse. "Madame Pomfrey!"

The nurse came bustling out and gasped. Then her mumbling began. Draco heard snippets of "stubborn teenagers" and "think they know everything". Finally she looked at Draco who was carefully holding her unconscious form in a standing position. He was bent at the waist, arms wrapped around her hips with her torso leaning over his shoulder. "Well. I'm afraid I'm going to need you to hold her while I heal her back. I don't see any way of adjusting her position without causing further damage."

"I can hold her." He replied. There was no doubt in his mind that he would.

After about an hour of a silent Madam Pomfrey bustling behind Hermione he heard her speak. "Alright, she's as healed as she can be." He felt the Head Girl stiffen and straighten in his arms. "I've petrified her so that I won't undo the healing I've done." Madam Pomfrey said "Okay, Mr. Malfoy, you can release her now". Slowly, Draco released his hold on Hermione. As soon as he completely let go, the older witch levitated Hermione onto the bed, face down. She undid petrify and turned Hermione's head. He gulped as he saw the expanse of her bared back. Madam Pomfrey had to cut through her tank top and the damage could be seen. Her back was covered in one large bruise, her damaged shoulder black.

"Will she be okay? She's been unconscious for a while now."

"She'll come to in a bit, don't you worry." She turned around and grabbed a vial, handing it to Draco, "take this to relax your muscles. Staying in such a position for an hour will wreak havoc on you." He nodded and gratefully accepted the potion, drinking it in one gulp.

Both turned to hear moans coming from the bed. Draco ran to her side and touched her face lightly. Her eyes were still closed. "Madam Pomfrey? She's still sleeping. Can we do anything?" She handed him a vial.

"This is a pain potion laced with dreamless sleep. We can't sit her up, so this will be tricky. I will redo the petrificus spell and levitate her. I will need to wake her before you administer the potion. The effects would be beyond horrible if we give her dreamless sleep while unconscious instead of sleeping. You will need to pour the potion in her mouth." He nodded in understanding and agreement. Hermione moaned again in pain. He looked down to see tears coming for her closed eyes.

Madame Pomfrey did as promised. Hermione was petrified and floating above her bed. He heard the nurse murmur 'Enervate' and a second later Hermione was moaning with tears freely flowing. She looked scared and in pain. Draco got close enough so she could see him "Madam Pomfrey healed you, but you can't be moved too much or it will undo what she's fixed. We needed to wake you before giving you a pain potion. Do you want it?" he asked her, knowing the answer already by the creases by her eyes. She blinked once slowly, allowing the relief to show in her eyes. Held her chin and opened her mouth, pouring in the potion. The potion began taking effect just as he closed her mouth. Even under the Petrificus, he could see that her body relaxed.

Madam Pomfrey returned Hermione to her original position, checked her over once more, and then left them alone. Draco sat in the chair next to her bed and began to feel the effects of his own potion. He passed out soon after with his head on her bed, sun still shining through the windows.

When Draco next woke it was to moonlight shining through. He tried to remember what had woken him when he heard a raging voice.

"What the hell are you doing? Get away from her!" yelled an angry Ron Weasley. Draco was still groggy and his reflexes muted, so he didn't even see the fist coming at him. Before he knew it, he was flying backwards. He felt his head hit the tiled floor before blackness took over.


	10. Banned

10. Banned

Hermione woke to the crashing open of the hospital doors. She peeked through her lids to watch a seething Ron walking towards her bed, Ginny following guiltily behind him. She cringed internally at the site he came to see. She was lying on a hospital bed, essentially topless. Her shirt was cut open and her back was bare. What made matters worse was the warm weight she could feel on the bed to her right. She knew Draco had stayed with her. She was still unsure if he was being truthful. But if he wasn't would he really spend all day in the hospital wing with a muggle-born.

She watched in horror as Ron stomped her to her bed and yelled at Draco. She then heard a smack and a very obvious sound of someone hitting the hospital floor. She tried to get up but winced and cried out in pain instead.

Madam Pomfrey came running out and put a full body bind on Ron. "If you even think about getting out of that, Mr. Weasley, I will be sure to have you banned from school grounds. Do you understand me?" He glared at the older witch.

"Miss Granger, please do not move or you will hurt yourself further. I will be right back with some pain potions." With that she turned and levitated Draco to a bed of his own. She fixed his broken nose and laid him on his side. Hermione watched tearfully as her friend lay unconscious on the bed beside her.

As Madam Pomfrey bustled back to her office for the pain potions, Ron cleared his throat and Hermione snapped her head at him. She winced at the movement but showed him all the anger and hurt that was in her eyes. "What is your problem?"

He opened his mouth and closed it again. "Me again? I'm the only problem you have? Grow up Ronald. I'm sure Ginny told you what happened. I was attacked by a group of Slytherins, none of which even want to be seen with Draco." At her speaking of the first name, something in Ron snapped.

"_Draco_ is it?" he seethed. "You little selfish bitch."

She heard Ginny gasp. "Ron!"

Hermione looked at him in shock. "What the hell have I ever done to you to deserve all this anger?" she said as tears began falling, both from the pain in her back as well as her heart. She sat up slowly, painfully, knowing full well that she would regret it. This was not the Ron she knew. And she was done trying to explain herself to an overprotective, obsessive git. And she told him as much. "I have done nothing. I needed a friend and so did he. That is all that is going on here _Weasley._" She said his last name with all the scorn, anger, and pain that she was feeling.

He moved before she realized what had happened. At some point he had gotten out of his full body bind. He lunged at Hermione, smacking her and knocking her over the bed. She landed on the other side flat on her back with a yell and gasp. She watched him walking towards her, the anger coming off in waves. His wand was pointed at her. As he opened his mouth to speak the curse, he collapsed on the floor. Hermione looked up to find Ginny standing with her wand raised, her face white as a sheet.

Madam Pomfrey finally came back out. "The nerve… locking me in my own office… he'll learn… my threats are true." She looked at Hermione on the floor in horror. "Oh Gods." The girl was shaking in pain. She gave Hermione her pain potion and levitated her back into her bed. She then used her wand to conjure ropes and tie up Ron. Hermione couldn't watch. Her eyes blurred and she closed her eyes to fight against the tears. She wouldn't cry for him anymore.

Then Ginny came by. "I wrote a letter to Harry to tell him what had happened. Ron found the letter and read it, storming here straight off. I'm so sorry, Hermione. I wasn't thinking he would do that." Ginny touched her arm and Hermione's tears unwillingly fell. They continued to fall for the better part of an hour before there were no more. There was no more left in her.

"It's not your fault Gin." She told her friend. She knew it wasn't Ginny's fault. It was her own. How could she have been so selfish as to have friends? To be happy? "I'm tired" she said. The red head got the point and headed out. Once she was gone, she pulled her wand from the bedside table and put silencing charms around her bed. She put her head in her pillow and screamed. _I'm so over this_, she thought.

She was awake the rest of the night. After Madam Pomfrey returned, she rehealed Hermione's shoulder and applied bruise paste. Once the nurse was in her office, Hermione quietly and very painfully got dressed. She deserved the pain. She made her way out of the hospital wing and tried to decide where to go. The first place people would look was her own quarters and she wouldn't go to Gryffindor tower and impose on anyone else's happiness. There was only one place left. Hopefully the castle had repaired itself after the bout of fiendfyre. She walked past the walls three times, thinking _I want someplace to hide where no one can find me. _She knew that once they did, she would be in St. Mungo's for sure, but who cared anymore. Maybe she could go crazy enough that it wouldn't matter.

When the door finally appeared, she approached cautiously, not knowing what to expect. She entered and found a small quiet room. To her right was a desk and wardrobe, to her left a small twin bed with white linens. She walked straight to the bed, laid on her stomach and fell into a deep sleep.


	11. Granger

11. Granger...

Hermione woke and found the room dark except for a flickering torch where the door would be. She looked at her watch and noticed it was already noon. Still in her ripped tank top, she headed over to the wardrobe. Everything looked heavy and scratchy. She took the softest looking robe and placed it over her shoulders, wincing with the pain. She needed to be covered up.

"Dobby!" she called.

"Oh miss! Everybody is looking yous! Come, Dobby will show you" Hermione backed away and was shocked to see tears form in Dobby's eyes.

"No, no Dobby. I'm not mad at you. I just want to be left alone for a bit. Can you not tell anyone I'm here?" Dobby nodded, with one tear falling from each eye. "Thank you." She took a breather. "Er.. Dobby." He looked up hopefully. "I seemed to have missed breakfast and lunch. Could you…" Before the words were out of her mouth, dobby was gone and back with a table full of food.

"Merlin!" she exclaimed. "I'm not going to eat all of this, Dobby!"

"Maybe miss will have a guest." Seeing the fear in her eyes Dobby continued. "Dobby did not tell anyone, but there is someone outside this room"

"Who is it Dobby?" she asked fearfully.

"Young Master Draco"

Dobby conjured a chair and Hermione stumbled back into it, yelping in pain. "What?" she exclaimed in a small voice. Just then as if the room made the decision for her, the door appeared. But no one came in.

On the other side of the door, Draco was shocked to see the door appear. He had watched Hermione dress and leave the wing the previous night. He grabbed a couple of pain potions and the bruise paste and followed her to the Room of Requirement. But he was too far away to call her and could not get in once the door closed. He didn't know what he would say then, and didn't know what he would say now. He knew he couldn't barge in, door appearance or not. He knocked lightly. The door opened slowly and he stepped inside.

It was a modest room to say the least. Simple, nearly prison-like. He looked at the girl who opened the door. "Why are you here?" she asked barely above a whisper.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I was worried."

She nodded as if in defeat. "Hungry?"

"Famished" he replied still looking at her while she looked at a spot over his shoulder. "How are you feeling?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Her eyes blurred over instantly and she looked at the floor quickly. He sighed, and put his hand on her chin, forcing her eyes up to his. The concern on his face made her sob. She tried to look away, but he wouldn't let her. He held her chin and looked in her eyes. He sighed "Granger…" and pulled her into a hug, his arms staying above her shoulders to keep the pressure off of her back.

Hermione was shocked at this new closeness. But the warmth of another person, the safety of another's arms, was what put her over the edge. She hadn't felt safe for so long. She sobbed into his chest, lifting her arms painfully and wrapping them behind him, grabbing onto him for dear life… or at least that's how she felt. She felt like he was an anchor, a lifesaver.

Draco held Hermione as she cried. He knew she needed this. He could feel the desperation in her as she grabbed his shoulders and his back. He could do nothing but hold onto her. Let her know he wasn't going anywhere.

Neither of them knew when it happened, but by time she had calmed down enough, they were both on the floor, Hermione pulled into Draco's lap. Tears still fell down her face, though they were now few and far between. Draco pulled away from her and looked at her face. He held her face in his hands and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. She pressed her cheek into his hand relishing in the warmth and care that could be shown in such a simple touch.

He grabbed her hands and pushed her gently off his lap so he could stand, then pulled her up easily and sat her at the table Dobby had prepared for them. He prepared a cup of tea for her and put a sandwich on a plate for himself.

Nothing was said between the two, but it was not uncomfortable. It was understanding. Times were changing. She needed help and he knew it. He would not be leaving her alone anytime soon. When they were done, Hermione having drunk her tea and eaten a biscuit and not wanting more, Draco got up from the table and put out his hand for her.

She took it without looking at him and he walked her to her bed. Noticing her jerky movements and slight wincing as she walked, he handed her the pain potion vial. She took it and handed him the vial back. After it seemed to take some effect, he slid the robes off of her shoulders, but never touched her skin. He pushed her into a lying position on her stomach to see how her back was doing. Her back was worse than the day before. The bruised covering her back was nearly black, matching her injured shoulder that was now swollen.

Draco pulled the bruise paste from his pocket and gently applied it to her entire back. By time he was done, she was sleeping soundly.


	12. Healer Draco

12. Healer Draco

Lighting a nearby torch, he found a book to read, after all this was the room of requirement and Hermione is the one who conjured it- of course there was a library!

The book was actually a muggle book- by some author named Tolkien. It was pretty interesting. Before he knew it, two hours had passed. He quickly scourgified her back of the remaining paste, then reapplied it to Hermione's back and returned to his reading. This went on multiple more times - Draco stopping reading, cleaning her back, applying the paste to a still sleeping Hermione, then returning to his book. He paid close attention to her breathing to see if she was in any pain. Her breathing was steady the whole time.

At around 6, he noticed a change in Hermione's breathing. He made sure he was changing pages with some sound so he wouldn't startle her too bad. When he looked up from the end of his chapter, he saw her watching him. She looked so sad and he didn't know what to do. This little witch had gotten under his skin, but in a good way. Watching her hurt was hurting him. He just wanted her happy again.

Dull brown eyes stared into concerned grey ones. "Muggle books, Draco?" she said with a small smile.

He smiled back at her "Hey I like muggles now. New leaf, remember?" Her smile got a bit wider. Draco watched her moving to get up. She was still wincing, but not as much. "How's your back?"

"Painful, but not as bad, and tight now." He nodded in understanding. After she managed to get on her hands and knees, he moved forward to help her up, careful to avoid looking at her tank top that was now hanging away from her body.

Draco placed a hand under her both of her arms, "lean into me" he told her. She complied putting all her weight on him as he lifted her effortlessly into a kneeling position. "Take a breath and I'll help you stand". She nodded, taking in deep breaths. When he saw her nod again, he tightened his grip while she moved her legs off the bed. He held onto her as she got her footing.

"Okay." She said, and he let go slowly, gauging her strength. She took a step forward and Draco caught her as her legs gave way.

The world spun as she fell into his arms. He felt his heart racing and he caught his breath. _BREATHE_! he told himself before he blacked out from lack of oxygen. "Alright there?" he asked her a bit shakily.

Hermione felt his heart racing, and heart his breath hitch. It matched her own reactions. _Oh geez if only you knew, _she thought_._ She had to take a deep breath to answer him "ye… yes. Sorry."

"No problem at all." He took a deep breath "Hermione, I know you're not one hundred percent. I know you don't want to talk. I need you to trust me." She looked up at him quizzically. "I need you to go back to Madam Pomfrey." She tried to push him away. "No, listen. Listen!" She looked at him again. "Your scars are hidden, okay? You need to get some potions from her. You will not heal properly if you don't go back to her." He watched the fire in her eyes. She was going to fight him and he knew it. "Please, Hermione? Please."

She took a deep breath. Anger seeping through her, fed by her ever growing depression. "Why? Why should I? Why should I heal? Why should I get better? Why should I live another day?" Her eyes widened at the last question. She had never thought that one through properly.

Draco noticed that the last one surprised her. He looked into her eyes, still alight with anger "Because there are people who love you and want you here; people who want you healthy. But don't do it for them, Hermione, do it for you. You are the most beautiful, amazing, talented, pure hearted witch to ever walk this earth. You have such a bright, beautiful, future ahead of you. You deserve it. Don't cut it short." He watched her eyes widen at his words.

"Beautiful…?" she whispered. Her head was spinning at all that he said. She thought even if he didn't believe it, it was nice to hear.

"Yes, beautiful. If you won't go to the hospital wing, maybe we can come up with an arrangement with Madam Pomfrey."

"I sense Slytherin coming on." She grimaced at him.

"I think you might like this idea." She looked at him, skepticism clear on her face "no, really. Listen. What if we went to Madam Pomfrey and asked her for the potions you needed. You can stay in your own room and I will help administer the potions to you. We can tell her after everything that happened last year you've developed a fear of hospitals. Not to mention last night's events."

She looked at him thoughtfully. It was a good plan. Then a thought came to her. "Mr. Malfoy, are you volunteering to be my own personal healer?" She smirked up at him

"Wow… umm… well I guess that's how it will be, huh?" he looked at her, shock on his face, but laughter in his eyes.

"Hmm…" she looked thoughtful. "And you'll stop asking me to go?" He nodded. Finally she sighed "Alright, but promise me… if she doesn't agree, you bring me back here."

"As you wish" he replied. Still holding onto Hermione, he leaned over the bed and grabbed the cloak to put over her shoulders. "Let's get going now while everyone is at dinner." Slowly, Draco let go of her and put her arm in the crook of his own. "Lean on me as much as you need" and with that they made their way slowly to the hospital wing.

"There you two are!" Madam Pomfrey yelled as soon as they walked in the door. Draco helped Hermione sit on the bed closest to the door, then touched the arm of the older witch.

"Madam Pomfrey, can I please speak with you for a moment?" She looked confused, but agreed.

On the other end of the room, Hermione sat in the edge of a bed, fidgeting her hands constantly and trying not to move too much. Her back was tense and was beginning to spasm a bit. She bit her tongue to keep from groaning and was successful- until one hit her shoulder and she gasped. Draco and Madam Pomfrey came running to her. "You alright?" Draco asked first.

"Back… spasms." She managed.

"Oh dear. That can happen with the quick healing." the nurse seemed to think a moment and looked down at Hermione's fidgeting hands and position on the bed- Hermione looked as if she were ready to run. "Alright, well, Draco will explain what will happen now. Let me go get your potions."

Hermione looked up at Draco and saw his cocky grin. "You did it!" She asked

"Did you really doubt in me?" he replied pouting.

"No, not you, her"

"Ah ok" he stopped pouting. "Well, it's as we discussed. I will help you with potions and pastes and keeping you from moving around too much. We've both got tomorrow off from classes to get you back to normal movement. The only thing she wouldn't break on was checkups. One tonight, another Tuesday. Depending on how it goes Tuesday, the next will probably be in one week. Is that agreeable?"

She smiled at him, "Yes. How can it not be? I don't have to sleep in the hospital wing and I have my own personal handsome healer." Draco raised his eyebrows at her. She squeaked and covered her mouth realizing what she had said.

"Handsome, huh?" he chuckled and smirked as the blush crept up her face.

"Alright dears." Madam Pomfrey came bustling up to them. "Hermione, let me get you checked over, then you can go back to your own room. Draco, if you would." Draco walked away, leaving Hermione with the nurse.

Madam Pomfrey removed the robe gently. "Draco told me he was applying the bruise past to your back all day today. He did a wonderful job. Your shoulder is still badly bruised, but I'm sorry there's not much I can use. The trauma of it fracturing twice in a day is too much. I'm going to apply a light muscle relaxant to your back and shoulders, that should help with the spasms."

Hermione felt the cream go on and the relaxing sensation seconds later. "Unfortunately, I cannot give you this cream because it is too potent. I have a potion that will work, but it is best taken at night because it will make you kind of loopy. If you find during the day that it's too much, come see me, and I can help reapply. Also, in a couple of days, come on by and I can give you a medical massage to relax your muscles."

Hermione laughed inwardly, '_Not bloody likely'_. She had nothing against the overprotective Madam, but she definitely felt that a massage, medical or not, was a bit too up close and personal.

Hermione was free to go and given instructions for lots of rest. The potions instructions and times were given to Draco. Hermione was feeling very light and goofy at the moment. "Draaacoooo" she sung and giggled.


	13. Take Your Medicine

13. Take Your Medicine

Draco had been waiting nearly a half hour for Hermione and was getting worried. Until he heard her calling him. She walked over to him giggling and wrapped her arms around his waist, putting her head on his chest. He looked at Madam Pomfrey questioningly. "She has a real sensitivity to pain relievers Mr. Malfoy. I put a muscle relaxing cream on her back which, while potent, does not usually make patients loopy! I'm giving you instructions for a muscle relaxant potion should she need it at night, but it will most likely make her loopy as well."

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, for helping her out."

The older witch nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You did well with her today Mr. Malfoy. If you had not found her, I don't know how bad she would be. I know of your past, but after all it is the past and cannot be changed. Keep on your current path and you will find the happiness. Besides, there's nothing more powerful than love after all is said and done."

Draco had no words, but nodded. She patted his shoulder and he pulled Hermione out of his arms and to his side, putting her arm in his again. "Come on Hermione"

"Okay Draco" she said in a small voice, almost childlike.

They made their way slowly to the Head's rooms where Draco conjured a chair for her to sit in- this one she could straddle with her chest against what would have been the back. He called Dobby and had some soup brought up for her. While they waited, he pulled off her robe again, placing it on the couch for Dobby to collect. When food came, Hermione surprisingly ate a full bowl of soup and some crackers. Draco was happy she was finally eating, but still gave her the nourishment potion as prescribed by Madam Pomfrey. They wanted her to heal as much as she could, and that couldn't happen if her body was so frail.

After dinner, Draco got Hermione tucked into bed, where she seemed to fall asleep instantly. He headed back to his own room, but couldn't sleep. He was too worried thinking about Hermione. Not only her injury and helping her get better, actually that was the easy part. The hard part was figuring out how he felt. _Like you don't know how you feel… _Okay he knew how he felt, but after their history and the history of his family, it was hard to shut off the voice that was battling him. The one that kept trying to remind him that she was dirty, a mudblood.

But he knew he didn't believe that anymore. He had actually come to care about the little Gryffindor. He put his head in his hands and cussed. "What the hell am I going to do?"

* * *

In the other room, the head girl had woken from a bad dream. Out of habit, she tried to roll on her back, only to groan in pain. _Damnit!_ She didn't want to bother Draco just because she couldn't roll over. She did however have to use to loo. _Bloody Hell!_ She turned her body on the mattress to get her feet on the ground. It was hard and she was sweating by time she stood up, but she made it. Slowly she walked to the bath. _Not too bad, _she thought. But she could feel her energy waning. She got to her own door, and held onto the doorjamb to keep upright. Her back was spasming again. She was breathing heavy trying not to yell in pain, but once again it hit her shoulder and she couldn't help it. She yelled out as her legs gave under her. _"_Curse that Astoria Greengrass… she will regret this. I may be alone and depressed, but you do not attack me and get away with it." She was mumbling to herself when she heard Draco say her name.

Draco had heard Hermione walking around and figured what she was doing. He didn't want to impose on her personal space. But when he heard her yell, he dove out of bed and ran to her. He found her mumbling to herself, while gripping her doorjamb with white knuckles. "Hermione?" Her head snapped up. "Come on, love, let's get you back to bed. Your back spasm again?" she nodded. "Alright, I have some potion for you. Can I leave you here for a moment? The potion is in the bathroom." She nodded again_. Not very talkative tonight, is she_. He ran to the bathroom, grabbed a small glass and poured the prescribed amount of potion in. He ran back out and Hermione was in the same spot. "Alright, I know it's nasty, but you'll be sleeping soon. Bottoms up!" Hermione downed the potion in one gulp and grimaced. Within a minute, her head was slumping forward. Draco was lucky he was on the floor and able to catch her. He picked her up with one arm across her shoulders and another behind her knees.

"Helloooo Dracooo" she sung

"You really are a light weight aren't you?"

"Uh- huh" she nodded her head sloppily

He walked her over to bed and got her to lay on her stomach again. Her eyes were closing. "Hermione, look at me," her eyes fluttered open. "I'll be on the couch now. If you need me, and I don't care for what, you call to me, okay?"

"Yes, Healer Draco." She sniggered

He couldn't help but chuckle at her. "Okay, go to sleep now" and he left, leaving her door open.

Draco lay on the couch and quickly used accio to get a pillow and blanket from his room. He fell into a deep sleep, knowing that the muscle relaxant he had given her would knock her out for at least 6 hours.


	14. All the Times That I Cried

**A/N: This is long because I originally had this split into two chapters... got to love the cliffies, you know? Anyhow, since it is such a short chapter, i decided to combine it with the following one... herein known as 14a. ;)**

**WARNINGS: possible tissue alert, possible triggers**

* * *

14. All the times that I cried

* * *

Hermione woke the next morning lying on her back. Damn that muscle relaxant. Every time she tried to roll, pain shot through her. _Okay… looks like I actually need to rely on Healer Draco, huh?_ _Damn I'm worthless. I've been through a war, torture and all, and I can't even get out of bed because someone pushed me against a wall? Son of a Bitch! Alright one more try._

Hermione gave herself one more push and got herself sitting up. With one more grunt she was standing and hanging onto the bedpost. Slowly and leaning on everything she could on her path, she made it to her doorway. She was breathing hard with sweat on her brow, but she made it. She would not be selfish. Draco has been helping too much. _I can do this on my own. No one needs to suffer because of me. _

Hermione saw a flash of blond hair hanging over the edge of the couch. He was still sleeping thankfully. She headed to the bathroom. She turned on the shower desperate to feel clean. She pulled off her bracelets and set them on the sink - her scars showing as soon as they came off. _Ugly, selfish, bitch, _she thought to herself. How many times had she heard those words? _But Draco called you beautiful, _her voice reminded her. _I'm just penance for him. A way to make amends to his own soul. There's no other reason why he would look at me as anything but an ugly mudblood. _The bad is easier to believe than the good.

She turned her back to the spray of hot water. Her muscles relished in the relief it gave. She looked down at her skin, raw from the hot water and scrubbing. Blood ran down her arm and into the drain. She scratched open the latest additions.

_No, I'm not beautiful, _she thought to herself tracing the scars and cuts._ I'm marred, scarred, dirty… even Ron can't look at me. _She stifled a sob at the thought of Ron. _Only one way to make the pain go away you know? You've done this to yourself. No one will love you now. _

_Gods I need help… but what will the world think? Great Hermione Granger, brightest witch of the age, not very bright anymore._ She would never get a job. No one would ever want to come near her. Harry and Ginny would leave. Everyone would desert her. They will know she's crazy and leave her at St. Mungos.

_Why can't I be Draco's penance? Let him help me… but then what when he feels he's had enough… I'll be back to square one again. And what if I end up feeling more for him than he does for me? Might as well end it before any real damage can be done. _

Hermione just wanted to scream out loud at all that went through her head. She hadn't thought about any of this in so long and yet now it came crashing down… Ron… he was a stupid prat. Thinking that about an old friend made her feel that much worse. She knew what would feel better_… no… last time was the last time… I won't do it anymore. I can't… _

Without realizing what she was doing, she was reaching for her blade in her shower bag…. Wanting to do it again. Fighting the compulsion. She screamed, finally letting go of her anger and frustrations. She sunk to the floor of the shower and began rocking herself, head in one hand, blade in the other, fighting the urge. She started to sing a muggle song she knew that verbalized what she was feeling.

All the times that I cried,  
all this wasted, it's all inside  
and I feel all this pain  
stuffed it down its back again  
and I lie here in bed  
all alone I can't mend

And that's how Draco found her.

* * *

14a. But I Feel... Tomorrow Will be Okay...

Draco had woken to hear the shower going and was glad she was moving around more. A hot shower would do wonders for her sore muscles. The bruises will be all gone today. The only thing left was her shoulder which would just be tender.

While she was showering, he called Dobby to bring them some food. He was in the middle of drinking his coffee when he heard her scream. He dropped his glass and jumped over the couch, leaping up the stairs three at a time. The shower was still going, so he knew where she was. He unlocked the door and ran in. He heard her words, and his heart broke. He actually knew that song. Great muggle band that 'Staind'. He followed her voice and found her in the shower. He saw the blade hanging loosely in her hand, and the reopened wound on her arm. Now he understood. She was a cutter.

Dressed in just his pajama pants, Draco climbed into the shower and tried to pick her up, but it was impossible with the position she was in. She had her knees pulled to her chest and her head on them. One hand was grabbing her soaked hair, the other hung limply with the blade. She was still repeating the lines to the song. He needed to get her moving. He needed to pull her up into his arms and start to heal her. He would heal her and not because he wanted her, but because no one should be in that much pain.

"Hermione" he said softly. She had not shown any reaction since he entered the bathroom. She was still mumbling those lyrics. "Hermione" he said louder. Still nothing from the girl in front of him. "Love, you're missing the most important line to your song." He said softly. She finally looked up at him, eyes swollen, words still coming from her mouth. He waited for her to finish the verse and sang with her. Watching her eyes to read recognition. Letting her read his own. He was letting all emotion show. She needed to see.

All the times that I cried,  
all this wasted, it's all inside  
and I feel… all this pain  
stuffed it down, its back again  
and I lie here in bed  
all alone I can't mend

He finished alone. "But I feel… tomorrow will be okay… " He watched her eyes recognize the last words. He watched as the blade dropped to the shower floor and she moved. He opened his arms and she jumped into them, clinging onto him like her life depended on it. And he just realized… it just might.

Later on, they would realize that she was naked, but at the time, neither noticed nor did they care. He turned off the water and did a quick drying charm over both Hermione and himself. He wrapped her in a robe that was hanging on the back of her door. He had a feeling she would be quiet today, but maybe she would listen. He would talk, he would act. Actions speak louder than words and he planned to yell with his actions today. He picked her up and carried her to her room and helped her get dressed. It was all very procedural. He helped her with knickers, sweats and a t-shirt. She was like a child in his care, not an 18 year old war hero.

Once she was dressed, he once again picked her up, this time carrying her to the common area. He stood for a moment trying to figure where to put her, she pointed to the loveseat which still had his pillow and blanket. He didn't want to doubt her, so he followed her direction and set her down gently. She began moving his pillow. "Please leave them. I'd rather you use them." He told her gently kneeling in front of her. She nodded once. He noticed her glancing at the food. She wouldn't talk and she wouldn't ask for anything unless he offered. He transfigured a side table into a lap tray and set a muffin and glass of orange juice out for her. She looked at the food curiously, she went to grab a bite, but saw he was watching her and pulled her hand back.

Draco noticed her action immediately. "I'll be back in a second." She nodded. He could feel her watching him as he headed into her room. He picked up her book bag and a book off her night table that had a bookmark in it. He returned and placed the bag on the floor by her feet and the book beside her on the couch, then turned to go to his own room and grabbed his own book bag. While walking back from his room, he glanced at her plate and noticed half the muffin gone. One more trip to get her potions from the bathroom and it was gone.

"Hermione, you have to take your potions." He said softly to her. He handed her the nourishment potion and she drank it straight away. "Do you want one for your back?" She shook her head no.

He knew he should take her to St. Mungo's, but also knew she would never forgive him if he didn't try to help. He decided if she was like this tomorrow as well, he would call Madam Pomfrey.

* * *

For the most part Hermione stared into space. Draco glanced at her every now and then to see she was okay. After about an hour, he decided he couldn't just leave her to her own mind. He stood up and stretched, moving over to the loveseat where she sat. He picked the blanket up, sat beside her and laid it over her both of them. With his arm on the back of the couch, he put his charms book in his lap, and began reading. He was giving her an opening without pushing. She needed human communication, human touch. The last line in the limited lyrics she was reciting gave that away. She kept getting stuck at 'All alone, I can't mend'. He needed her to know she wasn't alone, and that she had the strength.

He closed his eyes… mostly. He glanced sideways at her through his closed lids and watched her watch him. Looking at his book, his open arm, his face. He relaxed his body and his breathing. She began moving slowly towards him, still watching, still cautious. She moved over until their thighs touched, and flinched. When he didn't move, she leaned her shoulder under his arm and put her head on his shoulder. Within minutes she was sleeping.

Draco didn't know how light a sleeper she was, so he moved slowly. He closed his charms book and placed it on the floor. He then picked Hermione up and put her in his lap, wrapping his arms around her small frame. She stayed asleep, but pulled herself closer to him, putting her face in the crook of his neck. She didn't move to touch anything unless his skin was bare.

He put a hand on the side of her cheek to test his theory, she unconsciously moved into his hand. Magic of touch wasn't just a saying. He got an idea.

Since she was in his lap, she was easy to pick up. He walked them to her bedroom and kneeled onto her bed. He slowly lay down so that she was on her side and he was on his back. Hermione's head was still in the crook of his neck, but he knew she needed more touch. Wandlessly, he removed his shirt and watched as the girl curled up even more against him. While her head stayed where it was, one arm snaked around his waist and her hand laid on his chest, while the other found one of his hands. He used his other hand to touch her back lightly. She also had her top leg wrapped over his waist. He was hoping she didn't freak when she woke up. That was one of the reasons he decided to lay in her bed instead of his own.

Draco glanced at her clock and read that it was only 11. They had been up for only three hours, but he was exhausted. He closed his eyes and rested and hoped that she didn't think the worst of him and would let him explain.


	15. Waking Up

**A/N: Just a quick note of thanks to all who are reading my story. Thanks very much for the support and reviews as well. This was a difficult story to write as it touches on some personal subjects.**

**WARNING: Possible tissue alert**

* * *

15. Waking Up

Hermione woke up confused. First, she felt a warm body underneath her. Then she saw how low the sun was and noticed her clock said 2 o'clock. There was no way that meant a.m. Where did the day go?

Then she remembered.

The shower, the memories… the blade. She looked at her arm thankful there was not going to be another mark. Then she remembered more. Malfoy. He came and got her out. Helped her dress and got her fed. There's no way this is a ploy to get in her pants. If it were, he had plenty of opportunities. That brought her to the warm body beside her. She knew without looking that is was indeed Malfoy, but she could feel his naked chest under her hand. She had to look to see how much else was bare.

She let out a breath of relief when she saw it was just his shirt that was missing. She was still fully clothed in what Draco had helped her with earlier, she blushed at the thought of him dressing her.

She felt eyes on her and picked her head up to look into silver eyes. They were full of concern and… fear?

"I.." she cleared her throat. She hadn't spoken all morning, not since the song. "Thank you" she rasped out as she put her head back on his chest. "I remember… this morning."

"Healer Draco at your service" he chuckled, a deep rumbling sound in his chest. Hermione felt a twinge in her lower abdomen that responded to that sound. She knew it had nothing to do with her injury. "Hermione?"

She knew he was going to ask before he actually did. "Hmm?"

"What happened?" she took in a sharp breath and Draco continued on quickly. "I don't want you to feel like you _have_ to talk to me. But I feel that you _need_ to talk to someone."

"I'm just scared, Draco. I don't want people to call me crazy. I don't want to be put into St. Mungo's mental ward. I know I should talk to someone, anyone, but I'm just scared of what they will think."

He took her hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "Talk to me, Hermione. I don't think you're crazy. If you remember the morning, you remember how I found you, what you were holding. I just don't want you to feel alone, because you're not." When she didn't respond, he didn't say anything. He didn't want to push her. He kept his hand in hers and the continued ministrations of his thumb.

"It started a couple of weeks after the battle." She sighed "I would have nightmares of the battle, the manor, and just our entire time spent on the run. I had no one to talk to about it all. Harry was tired of people asking him, so I didn't want to push him. Ron was pushing it all down and away, only to have it surface in anger. We were together, you know?" At Draco's node, she continued. "I tried multiple times to break it off with him, but he kept reminding me where I stood. That I was just the girl of the trio, no one important. That no one else would want me. I finally broke it off with him telling he deserved better. He let me go easily with that argument.

"Other than that, after the first week, Molly fell into a major depression. When this happened I took over her duties. I cooked and cleaned and helped around the house. The only acknowledgement came from Arthur.

"When we got our Hogwarts letters I was so excited, so happy… but Ron wasn't. He didn't want me to go. Told me to stay for them. But the reality of it was that no one was there. When I confronted him about that, he told me they were all too busy. Nice to know, right? Best friends of 7 years are too busy for a moment of time. Every day I was alone. I cooked for them, cleaned for them, by time I got to sit and eat my own food, they were gone. I was alone… felt so alone.

"I don't remember when the cutting started exactly. I would just get so infuriated with everyone and would escape to my room. I wanted to scream, but couldn't." Hermione took a deep breath. "It started like that. The energy that would go into screaming went into inflicting pain on myself. The lonelier I felt, the angrier I felt, but I never showed it. No one saw. I wore a mask and no one noticed. Originally I healed myself, but after a while I stopped. It felt better to have the cut open and healing naturally. If I moved certain ways, I was reminded that it was there. Technically it made me cut less often.

"Even though I cut less often, the muggle healing was leaving scars. I was ugly anyway, so it really didn't matter. After a while though, I became worried. I didn't want anyone to see and know what was going on. I didn't want them to send me away." Draco felt her shaking and pulled her closer to him.

When she calmed down, she continued. "On the day we got our letters, Molly came in after Ron started fighting with me. She told me to finish my schooling and not listen to what he was saying… but it was hard. A week after all that, Molly had taken over her kitchen again. I was so happy she was finally coping and getting on with her life. I can't imagine what she's been through, but by her healing, her family can heal as well.

"Anyway, exactly one week after the letters came, Ron tried to get me to stay again. He told me again how no one would want me. He pretty much admitted that he was hoping I would stay and be his little house witch. Can you imagine me a house witch? Molly is beautiful and intelligent and an amazing witch and woman. But that's not me. I want a career, to get out in the world. So for the first time in months I did something for me. I just packed my bags and left. I stayed at the Hogs Head for the rest of the summer break, and well… here I am."

Draco's one hand was rubbing her knuckles, while the other ran up and down her arm. He stayed silent the whole time, knowing that she needed to talk, and afraid that any interruption would silence her. He held her tight and listened intently. When she paused, he would hold her tighter, letting her know he was still there and listening.

Hermione knew she was spilling her soul to one Draco Malfoy, but once the words started, she couldn't still them. Some part of her cringed at that, but the larger part felt relieved, like a heavy weight was being lifted off of her chest. She peeked at him through her lashes now and then to see him listening to her. She felt his warm arms holding her and felt his heart beating beneath the hand on his chest. That hand was intertwined with her own. She was amazed how comfortable this felt.

When she finished, she noticed she had been crying. "Oh, I'm sorry." She said as she tried to get off him.

"No, its okay, really."

After a few more moments of silence, she needed him to talk. Did he think she was crazy? Was he going to turn her in and give her a nice white magic dampening padded room? She didn't know. "Say something, please?" she asked him.

Hearing the pleading in her voice, Draco looked at the witch in his arms and felt his breath hitch. Her hair was a mess of curls spread around her shoulders and on his chest. He could smell jasmine come off of her in waves. Her eyes were red from crying again and her cheeks were still wet. But nothing there is what caused his heart to flutter. Her eyes looked so pained, but there was a spark there. She was in pain from having to recount her tale, but by telling it, her spark began to come back.

"You are beautiful" he whispered. He watched the blush creep up her neck and her cheeks flame. "I stand by everything I've said before. You are beautiful, intelligent, and pure hearted. You are in no way selfish, especially after what you've told me. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I'm sorry you felt the need to cause pain upon yourself. But you don't need to anymore. You are not alone anymore. I will not let you be alone anymore."

He watched her try to pull away as doubt clouded her eyes. "Hermione." She looked at him again. "I'm not lying, give me veritaserum, perform leglimens on me. I care about you. Do you think I, Draco Malfoy, would become your personal Healer if I didn't? I'm not doing this as penance either. I've made my amends already. My coming back to school was my penance. Do you know I have to take NEWT level Muggle Studies AND get an O? Really!" This earned him a smile.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. He didn't know why he did it, only that he was following instinct. She breathed out and relaxed further into his arms and snuggled.

"Draco… where is your shirt?" He began chuckling again.

"When you fell asleep, I noticed that you were reaching for bare skin." He watched her blush again and mumble an apology. "The 'magic touch' isn't just a saying, Hermione. By touching skin to skin, I knew I could help you more. You were in such a state this morning, I was worried. I'm glad you didn't wake up screaming and hexing me." She laughed at that, a real laugh. It had been so long, but felt so good.

"Alright, love. Let's get some food in you. I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Once glance at the clock showed it to be 5pm. They had been talking for 3 hours.

"Wait… that means I have to move?" She looked at him and he nodded with a smirk on his face. "Hmm… don't wanna." She snuggled into him more, only to be tickled over her ribs. She began laughing again, leaving Draco to promise himself to get her to laugh as often as possible. "Okay, okay, I am kind of hungry. Plus I'm tired of those nasty nourishment potions." She pulled herself off of him and he sat up. "Shit" he turned around to see her face grimace. "Few and far between, but spasms none the less. I don't care, but when it hits my shoulder I can't catch a breath."

"Alright, let's get some food and I'll give you a small dose of relaxant" She paled.

"No, no. I don't like the effect that has on me."

"Aww come on, I thought it was cute: Drracoooo" he sung at her.

"Ok, yeah that was embarrassing, but what I don't like is its too relieving, my body moved because I don't feel the pain, but when it wears off its horrible."

Draco nodded in understanding. "Okay then. How about a bit of pain potion to dull it a little bit. We'll eat dinner and I'll see what I can do about those knots in your back." He saw she was about to say no "Would you rather a back massage from Healer Draco … or Healer Pomfrey?"

"Okay, point taken"


	16. The Rubdown

**A/N: Mature Content. Nothing overtly sexual... but slight flushing may be experienced ;)**

* * *

16. The Rubdown

After giving Hermione her pain potion, Draco called on Dobby and ordered a quick dinner. He knew Hermione had stopped eating again and decided for a light meal of soup and sandwiches. He was pleased that she ate at least a bowl of soup.

Once they were both done eating, Hermione pulled her assignments from the previous week out of her bag. In two hours she had finished both her transfigurations and charms essays.

During this time, Draco also completed his own schoolwork while also keeping an eye on Hermione. He didn't like how she was bent over her essays.

Once she was done, he put his own work away. "How about that massage?" he told her. She looked at him skeptically. "Come on. After two hours curled over homework you have to be tired."

"Alright. But where and how?" she told him.

Draco stood up and told her to stay where she was. He transfigured the coffee table into a masseuse table, then summoned massage oils from his room.

At Hermione's raised eyebrow, Draco asked "What? I've been to a masseuse and the oil I've used for sore muscles from quidditch. She picked up the bottles of oil and smelled them. "Neroli. Not very manly, but wonders for relaxing." He smirked at her.

He directed Hermione to lay on her stomach, transfiguring her robe into a towel that just covered her butt and upper legs. She squeaked at the sudden cool air and her own nakedness. Draco watched her muscles bunch with tension. "Hermione, please relax."

At his touch, she felt a tingle flow through her body. His massage wasn't very deep, but everywhere he touched, her muscles relaxed. He lightly touched her now purple and yellow shoulder. It was still tender, but he was happy to see she was healing.

Hermione hummed contently at the touch and relaxed. She also had to swallow down a moan… more often than she would care to admit.

After he was finished with her back, Draco moved to the other muscles in her body. Here is where she truly learned about his talented hands. He slid his hands down her arms with a light pressure, moving to her hands and running circles in her palm, paying attention to each finger.

Next Draco moved to her feet and used his thumbs to expertly remove the tension. Hermione let out a soft moan. Here he froze for a moment, adjusting the increasing tightness of his pants, before adding more oil to his hands and moving up to her calves. He continued massaging up to her thighs, stopping at the edge of the towel. He didn't want to frighten her. When he was done with her legs, Draco returned to her back.

Hermione was flushed by time she felt his hands on her back again. Her body craved so much more, but her logic, thankfully, over rode it. She secretly hoped once her shoulder was healed she would get a nice deep massage of her back.

Other than being flushed, Hermione was extremely relaxed. She felt Draco pull away and groaned in disappointment. "Do I pass? Or will you be going to Madam Pomfrey next time?" He said chuckling at her

"Gods, Draco, that was amazing." She felt her robe covering her once more and sighed. She heard him putting the supplies away. "I can't remember ever feeling this relaxed. Thank you so much."

He crouched down beside the table to be eye to eye with her. "You are very welcome. I'm hoping your back will be healed soon. I know your shoulder has a day or two left." Watching her fallen expression, Draco quickly added. "This way I could give you a proper back massage."

She smiled at him then, the biggest smile he had ever seen. The spark was in her eyes again. _That's my girl_, he thought to himself.

"Alright, lets get you off this table. Are you done with your assignments?"

"Just have to finish potions and I'm through." She said getting up slowly. "Wow." He raised an eyebrow at her. "This is the first time I'm able to get up without wincing." She hopped down off the table and raised her arms above her head and winced. "Okay, that was my shoulder, but almost there!" She grinned at him.

He bowed to her. "Glad to be of service."

* * *

Later that night, both students sat in their respective rooms contemplating the days events.

_He seems honest in wanting to help me. Other than that one slip, he's been nicer. He spent two days taking care of me on top of it… what if he just wants in my knickers? No, not possible. He has had many chances if that's all he's looking for. I'll cross that road when we get there. For now, I need this. I need to be happy and… not so anxious. He'll be good to talk to…_ Hermione's mind continued to ramble

In the Head Boy's room, Draco was also thinking. _How did I ever see her as lower than me? Bloody fucking blood status. She's intelligent, maybe not when it comes to caring for herself… but who doesn't need help every now and then? Doesn't hurt that she's beautiful. And not supermodel perfection, but real beauty. Natural. That massage was intense… I want to do it again… but maybe next time I won't be able to control myself. Oh bugger!_

The next day found the two getting back into their routine. A genuine smile came to Draco's face when he saw Hermione waiting in the common area for him.

"Milady" he said, tipping a non-existent hat.

Hermione giggled at his movement. "Morning Draco, ready to go?" He nodded and they headed out the door.

* * *

The day passed by as normal as could be expected for someone who was attacked by a fellow student in Hogsmeade, then attacked by a member of the Golden Trio, and for said member to be banned from the school. Hermione could feel the eyes on her as she walked through the school. She didn't know what specifically was causing such attention from everyone. Maybe it was everything put together? It was unnerving to say the least.

Granted the two former enemies were nearly inseparable. Aside from walking into the Great Hall together in the morning, the two also walked to classes together.

Hermione was relaxed that she was caught up in all of her classes and was excited to get to her studies. But they would have to wait. That night was Hermione's last check up. Draco told her he would walk her and wouldn't take no for an answer.

She watched him pack up the leftover potions, figuring Madam Pomfrey wanted them back to dispose of properly.

In all reality, it was Draco keeping her from finding another way to fight the inner turmoil. She had done very well since they spoke. She still had the spark in her eyes and she smiled more often. He told her just that, and gave her his own smile when she blushed.

Draco wanted to talk to her before they left for the hospital wing. Looking at the clock, he knew they could wait another twenty minutes before heading out. He looked at the beautiful bushy haired girl reading in the armchair and plucked up his courage. "Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"You know how proud I am for you being as strong as you have been, right?"

She looked up at him then, worry clear in her eyes. "What's wrong Draco? What did I do?"

He walked to her quickly and crouched before her. "Nothing, love!" She breathed out in relief. "I want you to do something for me." She cocked an eyebrow in question. "I want you to talk to Madam…"

She pushed him away and was out of her seat before he finished. She stood in front of the fireplace with her back towards him. "No. I talked to you. I told you I don't like to talk about it. I don't want people to worry about me or think..." Her breath hitched as she felt warm arms around her waist and his chin on her shoulder.

"You're not crazy." He smiled as she snorted. "You're not. Will you let me finish my thought? I want you to talk to Madam Pomfrey about depression and PTSD."

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" she asked him, then felt him nod.

"I won't betray your secrets love," he said imploringly. "I promise I won't. But there may be something we can due to battle the depression that you face. It's nothing to be ashamed of, its not an automatic entry into the mental ward at St. Mungo's, its just how we deal. Please just tell her that you've been depressed? Maybe she can help."

If not for his chin on her shoulder, he would have missed the soft "okay" that came from her lips.

Draco turned her around in his arms and gave her a quick hug. "Let's go then"


	17. Help Me Heal

17. Help Me Heal

Madam Pomfrey was glad to see the Head Boy and Girl enter the hospital wing. She cleared Hermione's health and was happy with her progress in getting her nutrition back to normal. When she offered her massage, Hermione quickly told her that it was already taken care of, all the while blushing to her roots.

"I see…" she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Well is there anything else you need to talk about?"

Hermione glanced at the door where Draco sat patiently waiting for her. He smiled at her, giving her a boost of strength. "Actually yes" seeing the other woman's shocked expression she quickly added "no no! I promise you that was just a massage!" Once the nurse finally relaxed, Hermione continued. "Madam Pomfrey… I" She faltered and closed her eyes to get a hold of her breath. "I wanted to talk to you about.." _crap how do you tell someone that you feel depressed? Will she judge me? Maybe she'll say I'm just sad and stressed._ Hermione looked into the eyes of the caring witch. Wanting nothing more than to cry all her troubles out, but not being able to. _I can't do this, _she thought to herself. She looked back at Draco, with a look of defeat and gave him a small shake of her head. Looking back at the witch, she forced a small smile to her face. "I just wanted to thank you for understanding about everything. You know… my fear of the ward and all."

"Oh, you're quite welcome. But lets get you out of here and keep you from coming back, okay?"

"Okay"

Draco walked her back to her room. She knew she had failed him and fell into an even deeper depression. She went straight to her room and closed herself off to everything, curling into a ball and falling into a fitful sleep.

Draco knew she hadn't been able to muck up the courage to talk to the nurse. He couldn't stand to see his friend in so much pain. That's what it was really. A deep hole of pain. He could see the defeat in her eyes.

After standing outside her door for what seems like hours, he made his decision. _If she can't be strong, I'll be strong for her. _He thought to himself. _Even if she hates me for it, she'll be happy. _

Draco made his way back to the infirmary as quick as he could. Noticing the ward was empty, he went straight to Madam Pomfrey's office and knocked lightly.

"I was wondering when you would come." She said to the wizard. Draco's eyes widened. "Don't look so surprised Mr. Malfoy. I've been around teenagers too long to recognize the signs of depression. After all she's been through…" the older witch sighed with a sad look on her face. "I know theres more to it as well. It's not a basic depression is it?"

At this question, Draco masked his features. "I came to talk to you out of concern for a friend. She is in a deep depression and I am truly concerned for her. She barely eats anything. She even skived off her classes last week." The nurse gasped at this. "That is not the Hermione Granger Hogwarts knows and loves. She…" He sighed. "What can I do?"

"You are right Mr. Malfoy, that is not our Hermione. I suppose she's not open to talking to anyone yet?"

"She has spoken to me somewhat, but no, she is not ready to talk to a professional healer."

She nodded. "Alright Mr. Malfoy. Lets try facing the magical energy first, then we'll work on the physical and mental healing."

"Magical?"

"When someone is depressed, his or her magical signature turns negative. It's not that she is now focused on dark magic, but rather dark magic is attracted to her now and is forcing her negativity to the surface. Once we focus on this, she may be more open to coming forward or asking for help. Until such time as she approaches me, I cannot treat her."

Draco ran his hand through his hairy angrily. "Then what do I do? I can't… I can't just watch her waste away!"

"Along with Miss Granger, you are at the top of your class. I will not condone use of potions or charms to help her, but there are other ways to draw out the negativity." She turned into her office and walked to a corner shelf with varying stones. She picked up a clear purple stone and handed it to Draco. "This is amethyst." He looked up at her confused. "This stone absorbs negative energy and gives a feeling of relaxation and peace. I suggest you give it to her with that explanation. I also suggest you do a little more research on the magical properties of stones. There are others that may have a stronger positive effect on Miss Granger. I usually have a large assortment of amethyst."

"Thank you Madam Pomfrey." He said shocked and hopeful that this would be step one to his new friend's road to recovery.

As he turned to leave, she touched his shoulder and handed him a small bag of some granules and a bowl, just large enough for the stone. "Every day, the stone will need to be cleansed of the negative energy. This is dead sea salt. Place a pinch in the bowl with hot water. When the salt is dissolved, pour the mixture over the stone and focus on the negativity being drained away." He nodded in understanding.

"Thank you Madam Pomfrey."

The nurse smiled and nodded. "Just take good care of our girl." Draco smiled wide at that instruction. That was something he definitely planned on doing.

* * *

Hermione was ashamed of her weakness. She had one word. That one word was all she needed to say and she couldn't say it. Depression. Was she depressed? What was this feeling in her chest? Like a hole punched through that wouldn't heal.

She woke from her non-sleep to see Draco sleeping in a chair in the corner of her room. Before she knew what she was doing, she had climbed out of bed, curled into his lap and fell straight back to sleep.

Draco startled awake at the feeling of something in his lap… or someone? He could smell the Jasmine rolling off of her before he opened his eyes.

When he did open his eyes, Draco's heart clenched painfully. Her head was on his shoulder and he had a clear view of her face.

Pale and thin, she was still beautiful. Her sallow cheeks reminded him of what she had been through and what she was putting herself through. The bags under her eyes gave away her sleepless nights. Why hadn't he noticed it before? Was she using glamours? Probably. She's so focused on what everyone thinks of her, she doesn't think anyone will be concerned for her.

Slowly Draco got up, leading her to her bed. He laid her down and pulled the stone from his pocket, placing it on her nightstand. He turned to leave, only to feel a hand grab his arm. He looked down at the still sleeping form and couldn't walk away.

Curling up behind her, he also fell into a sleep.

Together they slept through the night.

* * *

Draco woke an hour before sunrise, wanting to be sure he didn't scare Hermione by being in bed with her. Hermione woke an hour later surprisingly refreshed. She got up and showered like any other day, feeling a surprising bounce in her step. She waited for Draco as usual and smiled wide as he came down the stairs towards her.

"Morning!"

"Why aren't we bright and cheery this morning." He said with an equally wide smile. He was glad she was in such a good mood since he planned on telling her of his visit to the nurse last night. "Hermione I need to tell you something. You may hate me for it, but I won't lie to you." She nodded at him, the fear in her eyes betraying her cool exterior. "After we came back and you went to sleep, I walked back to the hospital wing." He hurried the tale as he watched the anger flash in her eyes. "I didn't get a word in before Madam Pomfrey was telling me that she already knew. I promise I didn't tell her anything. She already knew. She can't treat you without your permission, but she gave me an amethyst stone to help absorb negative energy." He handed her the stone.

Hermione took a deep breath and thought about what she was going to say. Was she happy he went behind her back to the nurse? No! But was she grateful? She had to admit to herself she was. She knew she didn't have the strength to ask for help, but somehow he cared enough to risk their friendship.

She pulled Draco into a hug, her arms around his neck. The feeling of his arms around her waist was supportive and let her tell him how she felt. "While I'm not happy that you were significantly Slytherin" she heard his chuckle at this. "and sneaky… going off to Madam Pomfrey, I am grateful. I'm sorry to put so much on your shoulders. I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. If you want to leave I wouldn't blame you. I'm grateful for everything you have done for me."

Draco pulled back from her, putting his forehead against her own. Staring into her eyes, he had to explain. "Any weight on my shoulders is there because I choose it to be. Don't apologize for something I'm doing of my own free will." He was lost in the depths of her amber eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but he interrupted. "Hermione…" He leaned forward to brush his lips against hers, leaving it her decision where to … or not to… take it next.

Hermione felt the spark from his lips to hers, it spread a warmth through her body like nothing she'd ever felt. She felt the heat pool between her legs and moaned, pulling him in to kiss her. It was a deep kiss of the simplest nature. Their lips met in an explosion of ecstasy, not knowing where one ended and the other began. Slow, heated, passionate.

When they stepped away from each other, they were both wide eyed. Hermione was the first to break with a giggle, then "Gods…". All Draco could come up with was "yeah". Making her giggle more.

Pulling him into another hug and inhaling his scent, Hermione whispered "better get to class." He pouted when she pulled away and then smiled as she ended up in another bout of giggles.

"You're beautiful when you laugh." He told her, grabbing her hand and walking them to the great hall.

* * *

They walked in hand in hand. Hermione froze as the students in the hall stared at her. Draco held her hand up and kissed it before letting go, walking to the Slytherin table. Only her friend's insistent waving brought her out of her frozen state.

As she sat down, she was hounded by the girls at the table. "Hermione!" Ginny said and hugged her friend. "What was that with Draco? What's going on between you two?"

Hermione loaded her plate with eggs, bacon and fruit and waited for the questions to die down before she attempted to answer any.

"Honestly, Ginny, I don't know. Draco and I have been sort of… hitting it off since the first of the year. He's been very easy to live and work with. We've been getting along great as friends…"

"He does not look at you like you're simply a friend, and I will say the same for the way you look at him." Ginny watched her friend blush.

"I don't know Gin. I hugged him this morning… then he pulled back and we were talking… and he brushed his lips barely touching mine. I couldn't help it… I pulled him down and kissed him… Gin… I kissed Draco Malfoy."

Her friend looked at her slyly. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"How was it?"

Hermione glanced across at the Slytherin table and saw grey eyes watching her. She blushed even harder, not knowing that was a possibility. She looked at her friend with a wide smile. "Gods… Gin… no words. It was … magical. But no, more than that. It was fiery and passionate, but so soft. It was… Perfect." She looked up and smiled.


	18. A Letter From Harry

18. A Letter from Harry

The gossip flew around the school faster than Krum on a Firebolt. By lunchtime there were any number of stories floating around. Draco heard that he slipped her a love or lust potion or used Felix Felices, liquid luck, to get her attentions. All of the rumors when broken down simply said 'Hermione Granger has been corrupted by Draco Malfoy'.

The worst part of all is that Draco wasn't surprised. Why would he be worthy of the Gryffindor Princess? Or worthy of anyone for that matter? Should he end it before anything became more serious? She needed a friend but did that friend have to be him? Could that friend be him?

Hermione on the other hand was shocked and disgusted by the rumors. Anyone who approached her was quickly put in his or her place and then directed to tell everyone of her view on the matter. She wanted to give them a truth to tell… but what was the truth? She knew they were friends, but was there more to it than that? If she gave that morning kiss any thought, then yes.

Both students figured that the gossip would die down… but they were wrong. The rumors became worse as the day went on. By dinnertime, Draco knew they were affecting Hermione, even if she had a smile on her face, it didn't reach her eyes.

When a snowy white owl flew into the great hall that evening at dinner, Draco smiled. Hopefully Harry Potter would be able to help his friend some. There was only so much Draco could do. He also knew Hermione was upset at the lack of contact since the Ron incident.

Draco watched Hermione's smile fade from across the hall. Her lush lips falling into a frown, her brows furrowing. _Wait… lush lips? Yeah I guess…_ As much as he knew that she was now upset and furious, Draco knew that the red creeping up her neck was a warning of fury about to be unleashed.

And it was.

Hermione stood and stormed out of the Great Hall, doors banging on the walls. Draco was not far behind her, ignoring the glares and sudden whispers spreading like fire. He watched her running towards the second floor bathroom and picked up his pace, not wanting a repeat of what happened earlier in the year.

He got his foot through the door just as Hermione tried to close it. Upon entry, he saw her in full battle mode, wand pointed at his chest. Once she saw it was him, her wand arm dropped and she fell into his arms.

"Hermione" he started. "What happened?" She wordlessly handed him the letter.

* * *

_Hermione,_

_I'm sorry I've been so out of touch, you know how Auror training is. I just got back to find out that Ron is banned from Hogwarts! What did you do? I don't understand how him knocking Malfoy out would cause his ban. I've also been hearing some odd rumors. People have been saying that you and Malfoy are together now. Since I know there's no way you would be with the Ferret, and vice versa, I wanted to warn you of what everyone was saying. _

_Harry_

* * *

"OK, Mi. But why are you so upset? You shouldn't be surprised that he thinks what everyone else does about us. And he wants an explanation as to what happened." Draco asked after reading the letter

She looked up at him with her brows knit together. "Did you see his one question in that letter? He didn't ask me what happened, he didn't ask me how I was. He asked me 'What did you do?'" She said through clenched teeth. "Its always me. Always my fault." She closed her eyes as the tears rolled down her face. "Why? Why can't I do anything right? Why…"

"No, love." Draco cut her off. "You will not blame yourself for this. Why not write to him and tell him the truth? Ginny and Madam Pomfrey can corroborate your story." Then the thought came to him. Maybe she did feel like she made a mistake. Maybe her befriending him was what was wrong.

"I am just so tired, Draco. Tired of being alone. Being excluded. He will always stick by Ron."

"How will you know unless you try? You still have the amethyst stone?" she nodded. "Okay pull it out, lets have a look."

Hermione pulled out the stone and gasped. Her beautiful purple stone was now black as obsidian. "What happened to it? What did I do?"

"Hermione, love. Stop. Remember what I told you about amethyst this morning?"

She nodded. "You said it absorbs negative energy…" A look of understanding came across her face. "You mean… the black is the negative energy? Well what do we do?"

"Oh no, Alert the media!" She looked at him confused. "Hermione Granger doesn't know something." He ducked the hit he knew was coming. "Hey now no abusing the boyfriend."

They both froze at that statement. "The…" Hermione started.

Draco looked at the floor. "Er.. sorry. I mean, if you want. With Potter's letter seems its what everyone is already thinking… What do you think? Wanna give it a go?"

Hermione smiled brightly at him. She moved into him and kissed him fully on the mouth, putting all her happiness into that small act of intimacy. When she pulled away they were both breathless. "I take that as a yes." Draco stated, smiling. Then he got a serious look. "Right now, lets get this stone sorted."

He placed the stone in the sink and pulled a small vial out of his pocket. He poured about a tablespoon of the clear liquid of the stone and they watched as the black seeped away, leaving the stone a magnificent purple once again.

"Salt water" Hermione stated.

"Ah, darn I guess I can't teach you anything knew after all." Draco laughed.

"Yeah, yeah." Hermione laughed. She looked around, remembering where they were and shuddered. Draco pulled her into a hug and she let out a sigh. "Let's go. I've got a ton of homework." Draco chuckled as they left the bathroom behind.

_Well that went better than I thought it would, _Draco thought to himself. He looked at Hermione's hand clasped in his own. _Just glad I was able to stop that door from closing._

* * *

**A/N: I know i'm uploading this quickly. Since it is completed i see no reason to let it hang around, lest i be forgetful in adding the next chapter. Also, I'm not sure about the rest of you, but i tend to look for completed stories when i'm reading. I have read so many stories that were incomplete and so fantastic and it's disappointing when that happens (although understandable as its happened to me as well).**


	19. Heading to Hogsmeade

19. Heading to Hogsmeade (Thursday-Saturday)

As usual, Hermione and Draco met in their common room to walk to class together. Only now there was an addition to their daily routine. Every morning (and every night) without fail, there was a kiss. It was the height of both their days, and even admitted as much to each other.

It was a week since she received, and replied, to her letter from Harry. She would be meeting him in Hogsmeade the coming weekend, with Draco nearby in case the weasel decided to show. She was nervous and anxious about it all.

Harry wasn't happy with her description of what had happened. "Ron would never hit you", he wrote to her. She replied with the same idea as before- confirm her story with Madam Pomfrey and Ginny. She did not tell Harry about her relationship with Draco yet. That was something she wanted to do in person, not by letter.

On that Saturday morning, Hermione and Draco met and headed down for breakfast. Hermione was a bundle of nerves. There was a lot that could go wrong today. She had to explain to Harry about what happened in the hospital wing. She was hoping Ginny could help there. But she herself had to tell Harry about her relationship with Draco. She was afraid of what his reaction was going to be. Losing Harry would be like losing a brother. She wasn't sure she could handle it.

All of this, plus it would be his first time visiting since her injury.

Draco watched from across the great hall. He knew she was stressed and worried about the visit with Harry. He worried as she pushed her food across her plate, taking just a few bites and a sip of juice before pushing her plate away and turning to talk to her friend.

He wasn't in the best mood today either. He wouldn't be walking to Hogsmeade with Hermione. Ginny would. He understood she wanted to tell Potter about them, but it still hurt, and he was still very worried. After what happened with Astoria, he didn't want her left alone. Although the Slytherins didn't bother him much, he was sure Hermione was a target- even more so now that they were involved.

* * *

Ginny and Hermione walked down to Hogsmeade quickly with Draco walking 20 feet behind them. Hermione was starting to become more anxious. Her heart beat hard in her chest and her hands began to shake. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Pulling Ginny into a side street, she leaned up against a wall and tried to get her breathing steady again.

"Mione? What's wrong?" Ginny asked.

"Can't breathe…" She said as she put her shaking hands over her eyes. She continued her deep breathing trying to rid the pressure building within her. "Bloody hell!" she yelled.

Ginny put her hand on her friends shoulder. "I'll be right back, ok Mione?" she nodded.

The red head left the side street and saw Draco had just neared the three broomsticks. She ran to him and pulled him to a stop, careful to avoid being in front of the windows. "Draco!" she yelled at him.

"What?" He looked past her, then became worried as he didn't see his girl. "Where's Mi?"

"She's having some sort of panic attack or something. She has the shakes and says she can't breathe."

"OK, I'll go see to her. I need you to distract Potter. Tell him she was up all night studying and is running late or something." The red head nodded, fully intending to tell Harry exactly what was happening.

Draco ran down the street looking into the side streets as he ran. He finally found her leaning up against the side of a building. Her head back, eyes closed, hands clenched in fists. He knew she was battling with herself. He was proud she was winning out. Hermione had been so strong lately, but he had a feeling she had been holding things in… making this attack more volatile.

He walked forward and stopped standing in front of her. "Mi?" Her eyes snapped open and she gave a tight smile. "Hey." He pulled her into a tight hug. "It's okay. Breathe."

"You ask for the one thing I can't do right now." She let out a small laugh.

"So we take time until you can." He pulled back from her and kissed her forehead. Hermione closed her eyes and let out a long breath.

"That works." She said. "She put her head on his chest while he ran his hands up and down her back. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Mi. There's nothing wrong with you. You're anxious and nervous and that combined into a panic attack. There's nothing wrong with you. Feel better?"

She nodded her head then gave him a genuine smile. "Mi?"

"I don't know… it just comes out that way." Draco replied blushing.

"I like it." She said. Draco leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead again and she was amazed to feel the pressure in her chest lightening.

They heard a voice clearing and jumped, but didn't pull apart.

There at the mouth of the alley was Harry Potter.


	20. Harry and the Three Broomsticks

20. Harry and the Three Broomsticks

Draco and Hermione stared at the Boy Who Lived, wondering what was going on in his mind. The green eyes stared at the couple, seeming to decide himself how to react.

He finally took a breath to speak. "Hey 'Mione."

"Harry" she said as her voice broke and her shakes started again. Draco moved to stand behind her and held her tight.

"I just spent the last 5 minutes speaking with Ginny. She told me that same story you did. I know how close you two are, so I will still be talking to Madam Pomfrey." He closed his eyes and took a breath before speaking. "I see the rumors are true too."

"I didn't want to tell you by letter. I wanted to explain…"

"Theres nothing to explain 'Mione" he said, cutting her off. "I'm not as blind as you think I am. I know you were miserable at the Burrow, but I didn't know what to do about it. I was so happy when you decided to come back to Hogwarts. I know you wanted to further your education. I knew you would enjoy the chance dive into books again." He smiled a little. "I knew Ginny would be here for you. I'm sorry 'Mione."

Draco let go of her and she ran to hug Harry, sobbing into his shoulder. He continued talking to her in a low voice. "I'm so sorry I didn't do anything. I'm not angry, I know you're a private person and don't like talking to people. I'm glad you finally found someone to speak to, even if he does moonlight as a Ferret." That got her laughing.

Hermione pulled away from Harry and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She put her hand behind her, beckoning Draco. He walked forward and grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly. "Thank you Harry."

"Potter." Draco said in greeting.

"Malfoy." Harry stared at the blond for a moment. "From what I've seen, I probably don't need to give the older brother threat speech. But it is 'Mione and she is like a sister to me. You better not hurt her. If you do, you'll have more than me to deal with."

"Don't worry, I'm not suicidal enough to hurt the fiercest witch in the school." He said grinning. His grin faded as he saw Hermione's smile falter and her eyes drop to the ground. Harry looked at him in question and he quickly shook his head side to side. Draco mouthed 'later' and after a minute he nodded.

Ginny finally jumped in and saved the awkward silence. "If you are all done with lovey eyes, lets go. I'm starving!"

The food was great and the four teens laughed together easily. Harry noticed how Hermione's laughter did not meet her eyes and his heart constricted with worry. Draco watched the green eyed boy and prayed he would keep his mouth shut. He didn't want Hermione put on the spot. She didn't need the pressure and after her battle earlier he wasn't sure she could handle it.

Hermione finally got up to use the loo and dragged Ginny with her, laughing.

Harry turned to Draco expectantly. He watched as the blonde haired boy looked around at the crowded restaurant and quickly put up a silencing spell around them.

"Alright Malfoy, what's going on with Hermione? What was that earlier?"

"You told her you weren't blind and noticed she wasn't happy at the Burrow, right?" Harry nodded. "It was beyond unhappy Potter. She was a complete mess when she got here. She's still not one hundred percent, but she is getting better."

"What was with the reaction to your comment earlier?"

Grey eyes stared into green, deciding what to say. "Understand I won't tell her secrets Potter." Draco started. He continued after Harry nodded. "After the attack, she left the hospital to be alone. She had a busted shoulder and a back that was one big bruise, but she still left." Draco shook his head and closed his eyes before continuing. "I woke up and tried to follow, but she went to the Room of Requirement, apparently requesting privacy so I couldn't get in. I spent the night in that hall, waiting for her to emerge and worrying about what was happening." He opened his eyes and stared hard into Harry's eyes. "The next morning she let me in. She was broken, Potter. Not only physically, but emotionally. She ranted at me." He took a deep breath trying to keep his voice steady. "I asked her to return to the hospital wing with me and she went off. Do you know what she said to me Potter? Hermione Granger, Hero, Genius, most beautiful witch in the school. Do you know what she said? She said 'Why? Why should I? Why should I heal? Why should I get better? _Why should I live another day?_'"

Harry's eyes opened wide at that last sentence. "Live another…"

Draco sneered. "Believe it or not, her reaction was the same as yours. I don't think she realized how hard everything was affecting her. That's all I'm telling you though. That explains the head drop earlier. Do not mention it to her and do not tell her I told you. To be honest I don't know what she remembers from that day."

"Thank you." Draco looked up at the sad green eyes. "Mal… Draco. I don't know where she would be without your help. I can't believe how blind I was. I see you care about her. But my threat still stands." He smiled and put his hand out. Draco's memory flashed back to the first day of school 7 years ago. The handshake that was fuel to the fire of his hate of the boy. He took the offered hand and let a small smile grace his face.

Out of the corner of his eye, Draco watched the girls walking towards the table and he quickly dropped the silence charms. Harry pulled Ginny into a tight hug and kissed her, while she giggled. Hermione sat beside Draco with a big smile on her face, and he noticed immediately it reached all the way through her eyes. _I wonder what that little red head said to get her to looks so happy, _he wondered.

He put a hand on Hermione's cheek and leaned forward. He kissed her forehead, each cheek and then her lips. It was heaven. The fire burned through the two and soon they were pulling apart, breathless. Once again they heard a throat clear and they both looked at Harry expectantly, only to see him looking at someone else.

Standing above their table was Astoria Greengrass. "What are you doing with a mudblood whore, Draco? Why sully yourself with her type?"

Hermione looked at the girl talking to her boyfriend. He skin was perfection, her straight black hair rolled like silk down her back. Her breasts were pushed up and near bare to all who go too close to her. Her plump lips were painted red.

Suddenly feeling inadequate, she tried to get up and excuse herself, but Draco held her hand and smiled at her. "Where are you going, love?" He kissed her cheek before turning to the woman standing at his table. "How's life at home Ms. Greengrass? Enjoying your expulsion from the school?" He smirked at her attempt at a sneer. "How do you make your money nowadays anyway? I remember the boys in the dorms talking about how exactly you got your homework done for you…" He let that thought play across the ears of the other occupants of his table. Astoria looked at him with surprised eyes. "Ah, did you really think the Prince of Slytherin wouldn't have known about that? Why do you think I never went near you or any of the other girls?" His sweet voice turned to a sneer as he finished. "I'd rather not _sully myself_ with the whores of Slytherin."

They watched as she pulled her wand, but she barely had it in her hand before she had four others trained on her. "You wouldn't. Four against one is hardly fair odds."

Hermione bristled and put _Petrificus Totalus_ on the offensive girl, and then placed her wand between the girl's eyes. "Oh, but a group of eight Slytherins against an unarmed Gryffindor is?" she growled with her eyes narrowed. "Just me and you Greengrass. What do you think would happen? Is that why you had your group of children try and take me out?" She sneered at the pale face before her. "You disgust me."

She turned around and grabbed Draco's hand. "Let's get out of here. The trash is making this place unbearable." Draco nodded as he cupped her chin and kissed her deeply again.

The four teens walked out of the restaurant, leaving Greengrass standing petrified. As soon as they exited, three of the four cracked up. Hermione looked at her friends in question. "Mi, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Draco told her.

"Geez Mione, I haven't seen you like that in a while! Good to have you back girl!" Ginny told her.

Harry pulled her into a hug. "There you are." He said.

Hermione smiled at her group of friends, thinking for the first time in a long time that life could be good.

"That felt good." She said, adding her laughter to that of the other three.


	21. Feeling Free: SMUT MA rating!

**A/N: WARNING: MA! Smut abounds! :)**

* * *

21. Feeling Free

Hermione was still on a happy high when they got back to their quarters. She pulled Draco into a kiss, pouring her heart and all the feelings into it. It quickly became heated.

Draco fell backwards onto the couch, pulling Hermione besides him to keep her from feeling the effect she was having on him.

That didn't last long though. As soon as they were on the couch, Hermione straddled his lap and continued kissing him, running her hands through his hair. She pulled away and looked at him, a wide smile on her face. She scooted forward some, and felt his hardness press into her through his jeans.

She closed her eyes as her breath caught in her throat. She let out a soft moan and asked him. "Is that for me?"

"Always" he answered huskily. His grey eyes darkened with lust as he pulled her into another kiss. His hands ran down her back, lifting her shirt to feel her skin.

Draco's touch was shooting sparks of pleasure through Hermione's body. She felt a pool of warmth forming in her belly and let out another moan. Shifting her hips slightly sent sparks through her core. She pulled out of the kiss, unable to keep her back from arching. His hands slid beneath her shirt from her back to her front. They caressed her ribs, over her belly, up and down, stopping at the cups of her bra. "May I?" he asked her.

"Please…" she moaned out. His hands lifted higher and brushed her nipples through the cotton fabric. He groaned as he felt her nipples hardening beneath his hands.

As Draco moved his hands down again, Hermione began rocking her hips causing moans to escape his throat. Grabbing the edge of her shirt, Draco pulled it up and over her head and leaned forward to kiss the newly exposed skin. He watched in wonder as Hermione reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, pulling if off and letting it fall to the side.

"Gods" he moaned, reaching his hands out slowly. He massaged one breast, running his fingers along the pink nub. He felt Hermione shudder above him and his control was lost. He leaned forward and took one peak into his mouth, licking, sucking and biting the sensitive spot. He switched breasts and moved his hands as well, never leaving one without attention.

"Mmmm. Gods Draco…" she gasped. Her hands wrapped in his hair and pulled his mouth up to her own. "I…"

"You are so beautiful, Hermione. I will give you the world if you ask me to. What do you want me to give you?"

"Touch me." She gasped and blushed at her statement, Draco groaned and she felt his member hardening further beneath her grinding hips. "Oh Gods, please."

She moved his hands to the waistband of her jeans. Where he continued moving on his own. She slowed her hips giving him the chance to get her buttons undone. He ran his hands along her body- her breasts, hips, belly and thighs. His hands slowly traced the waistband of her panties and he reveled in the sound of her gasp and moans. He quickly dipped a finger between her folds and his hips jutted forward of their own accord. "Gods, Mi. You're so wet."

He dipped his hand and cupped her wet mound as she moaned and shuddered above him. She bucked against his hand as his fingers slid inside her. He slowly pulled his hand out and began rubbing her clit with his now soaked fingers.

"Fuck!" she yelled out. Then whimpered and moaned with his ministrations. Her hands grabbed onto his shoulders, nails digging in. He let out a grunt of approval and dipped his fingers back into her, moving his thumb against her clit. She slowly fucked herself against his fingers, her cries getting closer and closer.

Her hands dipped to his waist, and she looked into his eyes for permission. He nodded, unable to speak. She quickly undid the buttons on Draco's pants and shivered as she felt the soft skin. Her hand rubbed lightly over his member and she watched as his eyes rolled in his head. His hips jerked forward of their own volition.

Draco knew he would not last very long. Her soft hands caressing his hard cock was driving him insane. His movements became jerky and his breath quickened. He moved forwards and took a nipple in his mouth, rewarded with a scream. He bit down lightly and grazed his teeth as his hands moved faster, caressing her clit.

"oh… fuck… Draco." He heard above him. He pulled his mouth away and was now pumping his own hips in the same pattern as the bouncing beauty above him. He pulled her down for a searing kiss and they both came at the same time, swallowing each other's moans.

When they came down for their orgasms, Hermione pulled back and put her forehead against his momentarily before collapsing against his chest. "Bloody hell" She mumbled. He chuckled beneath her and she inhaled the scent at his neck, humming contentedly. Draco wrapped his arms around her body and held her tightly. He kissed her shoulder once and breathed in her scent as she did his.

It was with this contentedness, this comfort, this position, that the two fell asleep.


	22. Confrontations

22. Confrontations

Hermione woke the next morning wrapped in a green comforter. Looking around, she immediately realized she was not in her own room. Her cheeks flamed as she remembered their return from Hogsmeade… and subsequent actions. She knew it was Sunday and she didn't have to be up early.

Second to noticing where she was, Hermione noticed she was alone. She began to panic, wondering why he would have left her there. Did he not sleep beside her? Was it such a bad experience he just left her there?

Hermione got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom. She quickly showered and dressed, cleaning her stone before leaving the bathroom. When she headed down to the common room she was surprised to find Draco walking towards her with a smile.

"I was looking for you." He said before kissing her softly. "Good morning, love." He looked at her frown. "What's wrong?"

"Last night… then I woke up… and you were gone… Did I do something wrong?" She replied. "I woke up and you were gone."

He hugged her tightly and kissed her passionately. "You definitely didn't do anything wrong." He breathed. "I'm sorry, I didn't think I was gone that long." He pointed to a table in front of the couch. "I headed to the kitchens since we missed breakfast."

"Oh" she replied blushing. "I'm sorry… I just…" she was cut off with another kiss by Draco.

"Hush you." He whispered against her lips when he pulled away, both left breathless. Hermione gave him a small smile. "Come on, let's eat."

Hermione was presented with a wonderful breakfast. All types of fruits, juices, tea, eggs, rolls and more covered the table. "Draco, we're not going to eat all of this."

"Not for breakfast, no. But I figured if we stayed in the dorm today we can put cooling charms and keep the food fresh."

"Last night… I mean it was wonderful… but too fast…" Hermione stumbled out.

"I'm not saying we're going to stay here and shag like bunnies." He smirked at Hermione's blush. "I just want to spend time with you. After yesterday I want to see how you're doing and we have plenty of school work to keep us busy."

"Oh. Sorry… I just…. After Ron." Draco's face fell into a mask.

"I am not Weasley, Hermione. You should know that by now. We have plenty to do other than _that_. I'm not opposed to it in the least, but I'm not going to push you or expect anything."

Hermione hugged him tightly. "I know that Draco, please don't be angry with me. I'm just…"

"I know. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just can't stand how you were treated. Yes, you are beautiful and _damn_ sexy, but there is more to you than that." He put his hand against her cheek, fingertips resting against her temple and tapping. "Your intelligence is more to me that any physical traits. Your personality brightens my day." He hugged her tightly. "Your arms give me a safe haven."

"You are too good for me." He heard Hermione mumble into his shoulder.

"I'd quite say the opposite, love." He released her from the hug and tugged on her hand to sit down and eat. Draco was glad to see Hermione eating real food and not picking. She was still too thin.

Once they were done eating, Draco grabbed a bowl of fruit slices and headed over to do homework. Hermione helped him with his Muggle Studies homework, impressed that he had been doing very well so far.

They continued with their homework, stopping once for lunch. When the essays were completed, they sat and chatted about anything and everything that came to mind. Draco spoke a little about growing up in his home, and Hermione spoke about her childhood, including as much 'muggle' information as she could. Draco absorbed it all, asking questions and even taking notes, the latter of which had Hermione giggling.

As the sun set and dinner time approached, the two decided to get some fresh air. They walked hand in hand through the halls, smiling at each other over the whispers floating around them. Hermione was tired of correcting people. They would learn sooner or later.

The two walked over the grounds, enjoying the companionship, silence, and warmth that enveloped them.

"So it's true then." A voice came from behind the two.

They turned quickly pulling out their wands, only to be on the end of Ronald Weasley's own. Hermione put her wand away and put her hands out so he could see they were empty; Draco wasn't so trusting. After all, the red head knocked her over when she was injured in a hospital bed. Would attacking her unarmed be worse?

"Ron, what are you doing here?" Hermione sighed. She sounded tired. "You were banned from Hogwarts."

The boy in question ignored her questions and stared at Draco. "So, you're the next notch on the slag's bedpost, huh? Better you than me. No idea what kind of diseases the mudblood could be carrying."

Hermione's gasp of pain brought a smirk to the red head and a shaking rage to the blonde. "You should not be here Weasley." Then he smirked. "Oh, rather stay. You can easily kill your Quidditch dreams by sticking around."

Ron's ears turned red and Hermione shivered slightly. She knew he was getting angry.

He turned to Hermione with that anger and she twitched, fighting the urge to step back. He leered at her as he said "Oh, I'm not worried about that. It helps to have friends in high places. A certain boy who lived Auror would be hard pressed not to help a fellow member of the golden trio."

Draco spoke up, trying to get the weasel's attention away from his girl. "Be that as it may, Hermione is also a member of that trio. And after yesterday's lunch, I do believe he would think twice about getting you out of any… unpleasant situations of your own making."

Ron's ears reddened further, his anger coming off of him in waves. Hermione did take a step back then, inadvertently bringing attention to herself. Ron's wand quickly whipped at her as the cruciatus curse left his lips.

Draco had guessed that Ron would hex her and jumped in front of her. Quickly Hermione had her wand pointed at Ron and a _petrificus _curse aimed at him. Once he was down, she turned to a pale and shaky Draco. "Are you alright?" she asked him, touching his face.

Draco closed his eyes at the tender touch. He took a breath and opened them, looking into Hermione's brown ones "Not near what I used to get, but it's been a while." He took another breath in shakily and stood straighter. "I'm alright."

Hermione nodded. She then turned to Ron on the ground. _He can't hurt you. He can never hurt you again, _her inner voice said. She held her head higher and kicked him once soundly in his side. She watched the anger flare in his eyes and let her own anger show…finally. "I am over this. I am over _you._" She hissed at the immobilized boy. "You don't own me. I am my own person. I will be damned before I let you touch me ever again. Get that through that thick skull of yours. Did you _really_ think I thought _you_ could do better than _me_?" She laughed harshly. "Hardly. It was the easiest way to get you away from me."

Draco watched from the side, ready to jump in should his love decide to commit murder. He smirked at that thought. The weasel deserved everything she gave him and more. But he wouldn't let her actually kill the boy.

Suddenly Draco heard another pair of steps approaching them. Hermione was still yelling and venting at Ron and didn't notice the newcomer.

Harry Potter walked slowly towards the trio. He made no move to save the red head, but instead approached the blonde.

"Draco" he greeted.

The blonde noted the pale complexion and red-rimmed eyes of the recently arrived wizard. "Harry." He greeted cautiously.

"We need Hermione at the Ministry of Magic. I've already alerted the headmistress. Prefects will be taking over all patrols so that you may accompany her."

"What's happened Potter?" he asked suddenly worried.

"I can't" the boy breathed out. "I'm still training and was called because of our history. I know with your relationship and with your recent support she will need you. Lets get these two up to the school. Pack at least an overnight bag, possibly more."

"Potter." He tried again, but the black haired boy shook his head and approached the screaming brunette and frozen red head.

Harry stood with his wand at the ready in case he needed to cast a shield. "Hermione"

"What?" she yelled turning around, then started at the sight of her friend. "Oh, hello Harry." She said sweetly with a smile on her face.

"Umm Hermione. Are you quite done with him yet?" he started, fighting the smile.

She sighed heavily before walking towards Harry. "Oh I guess so." She hugged the black haired boy tightly. "I'm not in trouble am I?"

"Not at all, but lets get up to the school. I need to talk to you about something else." She nodded distractedly and walked to Draco who held a hand out to her. They walked quietly to the school while Harry remained behind to collect Ron. "You've really done it this time, Ron. _Finite Incantatem. Accio Ron's wand."_

The red head looked surprised and angry. "What the hell Harry? Didn't you see them together?"

"I did, but that's none of our business." He pulled his friend to his feet. "_Incarcerous."_

"Harry?" Ron asked nervously.

"Not this time Ron." He sighed, dragging his friend by the elbow to the school.**  
**


	23. Crash

**WARNING: Tissue alert, high angst, possibly self-harm/cutting triggers.**

**Please read Authors Note at end.**

* * *

23. Crash

When they entered the castle, Draco began leading Hermione towards the Headmistress' office. "Draco? I thought I wasn't going to get in trouble." She said nervously.

The blonde looked at her. "Don't worry love, not this time. Potter told me we had to meet with the Headmistress. He's close behind with Weasley. Good job by the way." She looked confused for a moment. Draco stopped her in the corridor, pressing her against the wall. "You stood up for yourself against an arrogant prat that has made your life a living hell for too long."

She grinned up at him. "Oh! That did feet good."

He chuckled above her, sending chills down her spine and warmth pooling in her belly. Draco saw the change in her and leaned in for a kiss. He hovered above her lips and whispered. "It was very… mmmm… enticing… to watch."

Hermione breathed out and leaned into his lips, enjoying the fireworks that exploded within her. She pouted when Draco pulled back, but understood when he nodded his head at the sound of footsteps coming down the hall.

"Damn" she said under her breath, making Draco chuckle again.

"Come on love." He said, pulling her by the hand to the gargoyle. "Dragon's Blood" he said and they stepped onto the moving staircase.

They lifted their hand to knock, but the door opened before they touched it.

The Headmistress sat at her desk looking grim. Across from her sat Kingsley Shacklebolt and Bill Weasley.

Hermione froze in her tracks at the sight of Kingsley, knowing he was one of the people searching for her parents in Australia. "Headmistress?" she asked with a shaky voice.

"Come and have a seat Miss Granger," the older woman told her. "Mr. Malfoy" she said in greeting. Draco nodded at the greeting.

"Headmistress" Harry greeted, dragging Ron into the room behind him.

"Mr Weasley?" McGonagall looked shocked. "What is the meaning of this? You are banned from these grounds!" she looked at Harry.

"I only came upon them as Hermione was giving him a tongue lashing" Harry said.

The headmistress removed her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sit him down in the corner please, Harry." The black haired boy nodded and pushed Ron into a corner chair, then created more bonds to tie him to said chair.

"What the hell Har..mmph!" he didn't get out much before Harry gagged him.

"I suggest you stop while you're ahead" he said, glaring into the blue eyes of his friend. "You're on your own this time." Harry turned back to the professor and stood beside Hermione, who had Draco holding her elbow.

"Thank you Harry" the Headmistress said before turning back to Hermione. "Miss Granger if you would please have a seat?"

Hermione shook her head jerkily "N-No. I'll stand." The older woman's eyes looked at her sadly, but nodded before looking at Kingsley.

"Mr. Shacklebolt?"

The darker man approached the young brunette. "I'm sure you are aware of the Ministry's ongoing search to locate your parents." He said in a deep voice. "Miss Granger… Hermione." He took a deep breath and seemed to be fighting within himself. His voice turned professional. "Last night at approximately ten o'clock in the evening, Monica and Wendell Wilkins were found deceased in their flat in Australia." The young girl's knees gave out and Draco and Harry walked her to a chair. "From initial tests it would seem they had been killed two days prior."

Hermione put her head between her knees and wailed. Draco couldn't believe what he was hearing. He dropped to his knees in front of Hermione and held onto her, putting her head on his shoulder. He looked up at Potter who had a similar look of helplessness on his face. _She was getting better. Things were getting better._

Harry watched the fear creep into the younger Malfoy's eyes. _What is he afraid of?_ The chosen one wondered.

Suddenly he understood. Hermione stood in a rush, knocking over Harry, Draco, and the chair she was sitting on. She pushed through everyone else, who seemed too shocked to try to stop her. Draco quickly gained his bearings and chased after her, but when he got to the door he found it sealed and warded. He looked at Kingsley and Weasley and told them they needed to open it.

By time he got to the bottom of the stairs, Hermione was long gone. Harry appeared breathless behind him.

"Draco?" He asked worried.

"We have to find her. Now!" the blonde breathed out, panic in his eyes. "Go check the head dorm, ask the portrait if she's been there.

"But.."

"Potter. Harry. Trust me. Go now!" Draco didn't wait for a response or to see where the other boy headed. He knew where Hermione was most likely to be and didn't want her friend to see her in such a state.

* * *

Hermione's decision to stand at the news may not have been her most intelligent. She heard the voice of Kingsley as if he was down a long hallway and not standing before her. "Monica and Wendell Wilkins…. Dead….flat in Australia…" Her knees gave way. Her lips were moving but no sound came out. _No. No. NO. Oh gods. _

She felt Draco pull her to him and it helped temporarily, but the pressure was too much. She had to run. She had to get away.

Hermione jumped out and ran…she sealed the door behind her, needing to be alone and ran to her hiding spot. She slammed the 2nd floor bathroom behind her, silencing and warding it quickly.

_Just when I thought I could be happy. Just when I thought things would be better. No. I'm not meant to be happy, am I? Relief I need relief… this pressure is too much. Gods… It needs to stop._

Hermione's hands shook with tension and panic as she crashed her fist into the mirror and screamed out loud. _It's not enough. It's never enough. _She pulled a piece of broken glass from the shattered mirror and raised her sleeve. Removing her glamour bracelet, she pressed the cool glass against her hot skin seeking her relief.

The relief came, but it was short lived. When the slice was done, the pain, the pressure came back again. She made another cut… and another…and another. It wasn't working. She kept cutting.

_Why isn't it working? _She thought to herself as her stomach began to turn.

Hermione ran to the nearest bathroom stall and expelled all her food from the day and then some. Even when her stomach was empty she continued to heave through heavy sobs. _I can't do this anymore_… _Why does everything have to go to hell?_

She didn't hear the voice calling her outside her stall. She didn't hear the door blast. She felt the cold taking over and felt peace.

* * *

Draco ran all the way to myrtle's bathroom, once again finding it silenced and warded. He banged on the door and yelled for Hermione to come out. His heart raced in his chest.

Suddenly he pulled out his want "_Bombarda! Accio!_" he yelled at the door in quick succession, trying to keep the door from blowing inward. He jumped sideways to avoid being hit by the door. "Desperate calls and all that" he muttered to himself, getting up slowly.

"Hermione?" he called waiting for the dust to settle. The broken mirror was the first sign that her recent accomplishments may have been for naught. Then the blood on the ground… much more than was normal for a simple cut.

Draco followed the drops and found the broken glass on the outside of a stall. He opened the door slowly and found Hermione unconscious on the floor, covered in her own blood and vomit.

"Oh gods." He cried out. "Hermione? Hermione, love. Wake up" Tears flowed from his eyes. He wouldn't fail her again. He picked up her small frame and kissed her frighteningly cold forehead. "Come on baby, wake up." Nothing. No response. He continued talking to her and trying to get a response as he ran to the hospital wing, using as many shortcuts as he could to avoid the other students. _Why did everything have to go to hell? _

He didn't know that those were the same thoughts as Hermione before she blacked out.

* * *

**A****/N: Don't hate me *ducks and hides* ****In all seriousness though i had to show she wasn't healed... an event such as happened in this chapter drove her over the edge. The point being, sometimes falling isn't enough to help you heal... sometimes you have to crash... and crash hard. Sometimes someone has to catch you even if you don't want them to...**


	24. Uncovered

**WARNING: Tissue Alert (do i really need to say this though?)**

* * *

24. Uncovered

Draco slammed through the hospital wing and screamed for Madam Pomfrey. Even he knew it wasn't a yell… He screamed.

The nurse came rushing out and had Draco bring Hermione into an empty private room. She tried to rush the shell shocked boy out, but he wouldn't budge. "Fine. Stay. But you're going to help." She gave Draco a list of potions to get from her cabinet as she began undressing the young witch in her care. She made quick work of stopping the bleeding coming from the cuts on the girl's arms. There were too many to count.

Tears fell down the older witch's face, but she paid them no mind as Draco came back in with the potions. He saw her arms and crumbled. "Oh gods."

"Hold her hand Mr. Malfoy, she needs human touch. I know you know that much." He nodded and moved forward, holding her left hand.

"Merlin" the older witch rasped under her breath.

"What? What is it?"

"All these scars. All these new cuts will scar."

"But magic…" he started before putting his head on the bed. "She used a mirror".

She shook her head. "Now it makes sense. You know as well as I do about enchanted mirrors in this school. It was magical and will make her healing slower and leave scars. How did I not notice this before?" She glanced at the girls other wrist and noticed the bracelet around the wrist. "Draco remove that bracelet and keep it somewhere safe."

He slowly removed the bracelet and put it into his pocket and heard the nurse gasp at the revealing of the 'mudblood' scar. Draco noticed the bracelet was gone from her other wrist and made a mental note to retrieve it from the bathroom later.

"You knew about this, didn't you?" the blonde nodded.

"She told me not to tell" he choked out. "I made the bracelets… it was the only way to get her here when she was injured."

The older woman nodded somberly. It was a hard position to be put in. "What happened to set her off Draco?" The nurse asked kindly.

Draco looked into the kind eyes of the nurse and felt the tears pooling in his eyes. He closed them briefly, trying to control his emotions. "She was just told… her parents." He shook his head unable to control his emotions. His shoulders shook as he cried into the mattress beside the unconscious girl.

The nurse covered her heart with her hands. "Oh Merlin."

He popped his head up suddenly, remembering Potter. He ran from the room quickly and sent out his _patronus_ to tell the boy where Hermione was. "Harry came with the news along with Kingsley and an older Weasley". The nurse nodded and pulled the sheet over Hermione's body to her chin.

Moments later they heard the hospital doors crash open again and watched as Potter, the Headmistress, Shacklebolt, and the older Weasley cam running in. Madam Pomfrey closed the door behind her, leaving Draco in the room with Hermione.

"Well now!" She bristled. "I certainly am glad to have no patients in here tonight with all the banging of my doors!" The crowd at least had the intelligence to look slightly embarrassed.

The Headmistress was the first to speak. "Poppy, we apologize, but I'm sure you can understand our haste?"

"Of course I do Headmistress, but there's nothing you can do at the moment."

"How is she?" Harry came forward.

The nurse looked at the black haired boy. "I will let you see her, but _only_ you. And Draco stays." Harry nodded and moved into the room as the adults started arguing. "This is an extremely sensitive situation and at the risk of breaking Healer patient confidentiality, I will only allow Potter to enter." She turned to Professor McGonagall "Headmistress, I will give you a report in an hours time."

The older woman nodded, "And what of young Malfoy? Has he been treated as well?"

"He is understandably distraught" the nurse replied. "But nothing warranting any treatment other than perhaps a dreamless sleep."

"Poppy, we learned through leglimens that Draco was on the receiving end of the cruciatus curse." The nurse gasped. "It didn't last long and it came from someone not used to casting it, but I would still like to have him treated."

"Alright Minerva."

"Thank you Poppy" The nurse nodded and exhaled a breath as the doors closed behind the group.

* * *

Madam Pomfrey quickly gave Draco an exam and considered him in full health. A bar of chocolate and he was good.

Once she left, Harry was permitted to enter.

Harry Potter fought his weak knees as he saw his best friend pale and lying on the bed. He nodded at Draco who momentarily lifted his head when the door opened. It was a few minutes before he could speak.

"What happened?"

Draco looked up at the boy who lived, with renewed pain. He decided truth was in order. "I knew where she would be." He watched as the green eyes narrowed. "I had to. I didn't know exactly what she would do … how far she would go…but I did know she wouldn't what you to see her like…that."

"Like what? Stop with the riddles Malfoy"

Instead of reacting to the renewed use of his surname, Draco simply leaned forward and grasped the end of the sheet under Hermione's chin. He paused a moment and looked at Harry. "Not my secret to tell. But you need to understand." With that he pulled the cover down and fell back into his seat.

Harry didn't understand what he was seeing at first, then it registered. Hermione's right forearm was riddled with slices of her skin. He also noticed the older white scars that ran up and down her pale arm. "What…" he choked out, swallowing the bile threatening to rise. "Why…" He looked at Draco desperately.

"She's a cutter Harry." He said with sorrowful eyes.

"A… cutter…" he glanced at her arm again, understanding coming over his eyes. "Oh gods." He sobbed. Draco walked to the other side of the bed and put his arm around the shoulders of the black haired boy. "When…"

Draco shook his head "Not my story." He squeezed Harry's shoulder and walked back to his own spot, where he promptly put his hand in Hermione's and laid his head on her shoulder.

Draco quickly fell asleep, not registering the gentle pat on his back or the closing of the door as Harry left the two alone.


	25. Everything

**A/N: You may need tissues for this one too! There's quite a bit of music/lyrics in this one. Almost a songfic, but not quite… browse youtube and you can hear the songs. Its even better if you can find a cover my a male artist.  
**

**Song: "I Never Told You" Colbie Caillat  
**

* * *

25. Everything

Hermione felt like she was floating in a haze. It was so peaceful, but something was missing. Something was wrong. She tried to remember, but nothing came to her mind. She heard a voice in the background singing. It was a deep voice, but the lyrics she heard echoed in her mind were with a female voice.

_"…I miss the way we breathe_

But I never told you what I should have said  
But I never told you, I just held it in"

She tried to focus on the song. The lyrics and the voice singing it were pulling her so it wasn't too hard. The voice continued pulling her.

_"And now I miss everything about you  
I can't believe it, I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you…"_

The deep, slightly off key, voice pulled at her heart strings. _Who… Draco! Oh Draco, you deserve so much more than me. I'm broken. I can't… I can't. _She tried to pull away, to go back to the peaceful haze, but the voice continued pulling her, not letting her escape again. She was crying on the inside.

_"Hermione?" _His voice sounded again. And he sounded broken _"Come on baby. Come back to me. I love you. Please."_

* * *

Draco never left Hermione's side. After the first day, Madam Pomfrey had no choice but to put her into St. Mungo's. She and the Headmistress gave him special permission to stay with her after he explained to them the reasons for Hermione's silence on her struggles had to do with avoiding the hospital.

It was three days since her collapse and two days before her parent's bodies were to be buried. They had to wait for the transport from Australia. Nothing the Healers did could wake Hermione up. They said she trapped herself in her own mind as a form of protection and to escape.

By the third day Draco was beyond lost. He remembered the last time she closed within herself and she had been singing to herself. Granted she was awake at that point and at least semi-aware, but he figured anything was worth trying.

Thinking about how he felt about Hermione, Draco came to the conclusion that he couldn't fight it anymore. He loved her. But he never told her. She would know he loved her. She needed to know. He remembered a song and began to sing. He knew he was no singer, but it was worth it if he could get through to her.

_"I miss those brown eyes, how you kiss me at night  
I miss the way we sleep  
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile  
I miss the way we breathe"_

He couldn't tell if it was having an effect or not, he just kept singing. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall down his face as he kept singing.

_"And now I miss everything about you  
I can't believe it, I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you…"_

He opened his eyes and watched tears sliding down Hermione's face. She was coming back to him. He tried talking to her. "Hermione?" he tried to keep his voice from breaking, and continued unsteady "Come on baby. Come back to me. I love you. Please."

When the tears continued to fall but he got no response, he continued to sing.

_"I see your brown eyes everytime I close mine  
You make it hard to see  
Where I belong to, when I'm not around you  
It's like I'm not with me._

_But I never told you what I should have said_… I love you_  
No, I never told you, I just held it in_

_And now I miss everything about you  
I can't believe it, I still want you  
After all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you"_

He watched as her eyes slowly opened and focused on his face. He grabbed her hand as His tears began to fall harder and he continued singing in a broken voice.

_"But I never told you what I should have said  
No, I never told you, I just held it in_

_And now I miss everything about you  
I can't believe it, I still want you  
After all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you"_

He finished and stared deeply into her eyes. He leaned foreward and kissed her lightly on the lips, choking back a sob when he felt her return his kiss.

"I love you Hermione. Gods I love you. Please don't leave me. I need you like I need air." He sobbed into her chest.

* * *

Hermione heard Draco's confession, a couple of times. She continued to cry internally only to actually begin to feel. The first thing she felt was the stinging pain of her left forearm. She already knew why she hurt and was glad for the pain. The second thing Hermione felt was the wetness on her face. _I'm not crying internally, I'm crying._

She listened as Draco continued to sing the song. She knew it as Colbie Caillat's 'I Never Told You'. As she heard the song reaching its end, she began pulling herself to the surface with the words. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Draco singing to her, his face pale, eyes red with heavy bags. When he leaned forward to kiss her, Hermione could not say no. She could not deny the fire that was lit inside her. The life he made her see. The future he made possible with those three words.

His sobs broke her heart. "I love you Hermione. Gods I love you. Please don't leave me. I need you like I need air." He sobbed into her chest.

Hermione couldn't speak for the sobs fighting to escape her own chest. "Draco" she whispered in a rough unused voice. When he didn't move she tried again, slightly louder. "Draco, love." He picked his head up then. "I love you." The smile he gave her made her warm all over. She smiled at him momentarily before her tears began again. "I'm so sorry. I'm so broken. You… I don't deserve you."

"No" he said roughly swiping at his eyes. At the broken look on her face, he tried again. "I mean yes you do, no I don't want to hear it." He placed his hands on either side of her face. "I need you. I love you. Please Hermione. Do you need forgiveness? I'll give it to you. Do you need love? You have it. Do you need kisses?" he leaned forward and kissed her lightly again. "You can have as many as you want or need."

Hermione gave him a watery smile. "You mean there's something finally good in my life?" He smiled back and put his forehead against hers.

"I'm here as long as you want me here. I'm not going anywhere." He looked at her seriously for a moment. "I do need to tell the Healers you are awake."

Hermione looked around herself for the first time. "Where am I Draco?"

"St. Mungo's." She took in a breath, but he cut her off. "Hermione you have been unconscious for three days. After the first day Madam Pomfrey had no choice. I have not left your side, I promise you."

Hermione nodded, but looked amazed. "You did that for me?" she rasped out. Draco nodded "I'm so sorry Draco. Thank you."

Draco nodded in return before pressing the nurse call button. A younger woman with blonde hair walked in the room with her face in a book. "Did you want your lunch early Mr. Malfoy?" she asked in a bored tone.

Draco looked at the nurse with distaste. "No." She looked up at his tone. "If you had been paying attention when you entered the room, you would have noticed that Miss Granger is awake."

The nurse glanced to Hermione lying on the bed and dropped her book as she ran to get the Healer. The two chuckled at the shocked expression, even though it worried Hermione that her being awake was so shocking.

The Healer rushed into the room with relief in his eyes. "Miss Granger, I'm Healer Mendez. Welcome back."

"I never left" she said coldly.

The Healer paused at that. "Yes. I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me." Hermione nodded at him. "Well. I would like to examine you and do some tests to make sure your temporary coma did not cause any significant damage." She nodded again, but looked at Draco with fear in her eyes.

He looked back at her shyly. "Do you want me to sing to you again?"

She looked at the Healer who seemed surprised at this offer, then looked back to Draco, pleading in her eyes. "Please?"

Draco thought for a few moments and tried to find the words that would help her heal more. The words that expressed everything he was feeling.

* * *

_"Find me here, and speak to me __  
I want to feel you, I need to hear you  
You are the light that's leading me to the place  
Where I find peace again _

_You are the strength that keeps me walking __  
You are the hope that keeps me trusting  
You are the life to my soul  
You are my purpose, You're everything_

_And how can I stand here with you __  
And not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

_You calm the storms and you give me rest __  
You hold me in your hands, You won't let me fall  
You steal my heart and you take my breath away  
Would you take me in, take me deeper now"_

Hermione's eyes never left Draco's as he sang the song. She answered the questions given to her by the Healer and nurse automatically, not actually aware of the info she was giving, but knowing the information was correct.

_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?__  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?  
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

_Cause you're all I want, you're all I need __  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want  
You're all I need  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want  
You're all I need  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want  
You're all I need  
Everything, everything _

_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you __  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this  
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you  
Would you tell me how could it be any better-any better than this  
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this"_

By time the song was over, the exam was complete and the Healer and nurse were waiting for the two to be able to speak with them. The nurse had tears in her eyes and the Healer looked on with an interested expression.

Hermione gave Draco another watery smile. "If you keep this up I'll be dehydrated before long."

He chuckled along with her then looked at the nurse and Healer.

Healer Mendez spoke to Hermione and Draco equally. "You are malnourished. I'm guessing before the events leading up to your admission, you weren't taking very good care to eat proper meals. You are also dehydrated, which can be mostly accredited to your coma." Hermione nodded at the descriptions.

"When can I leave?" she asked.

"I would like to keep you for observations for a few more days."

"When can I leave?" she asked again. "Not how long you would like me to stay"

"If there is someone we can release you to, tomorrow at the earliest."

Hermione looked at Draco, "Do you think the Headmistres…" she started before he interrupted.

"I will take care of her. I'm of legal age."

Hermione looked at him in surprise. "Draco, you don't have to. You've done so much for me already. I can't ask…"

"I know you can't ask which is why I am offering." He leaned in and whispered in her ear "Would you really deny me the pleasure of being Healer Draco again?" Hermione blushed and giggled a very un-Hermione like giggle.

The Healer looked questioningly at the duo and Hermione cleared her throat. "Draco is of age and I am not opposed to being placed in his care." She was proud of how steady her voice sounded.

"Hmm that is definitely unorthodox. Miss Granger, since you are still a student I will speak with the Headmistress. I know you are of age, but we need to be sure the school hospital wing can attend to your needs."

"Of course Healer. Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me." Hermione smiled at the old man, losing her snippy attitude might help her get what she wanted. The healer looked suspicious but said nothing else and left them alone in the room.

A few minutes after the healer and nurse left, the nurse returned with potions and a meal for Hermione. She dutifully took her potions and ate the gruel that the hospital provided for her. She had Draco laughing at the faces she made at the taste (or tasteless?) food.

"Don't worry love, once you're out of here, I'll get you a proper meal." She smiled at the blonde sitting beside her. Once she had dutifully finished her meal, Hermione scooted on the bed and pat the space beside her. Draco climbed in without a second though. Both dreamt of a future. Hermione now understanding there may be something to be happy about. Draco now understanding he would never be letting go again.

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***songs used are 'I Never Told You' by Colbie Caillat and 'Everything' by Lifehouse**  
** No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N: Sorry for all the music! Hope you all don't mind. After the shower scene in the earlier chapters, it just seemed right to have it be the way to get through to Hermione. Thoughts? ANNNND that leaves 2 more left! I guess both can be considered Epilogues… but I think you will like them. One is a songfic though… with the way this story went, the song fit perfect. Any guesses as to which one? **


	26. Fix You: Songfic & Epilogue pt1

**A/N: I honestly couldn't NOT use this song as a songfic for this story... Hope you enjoy**

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26. Fix You (songfic)

_"When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need"_

Draco brought Hermione back to Hogwarts after she was released to his care. She was not back to herself yet, but she was getting there. Madam Pomfrey, the Headmistress, Draco and healer Mendez had scheduled weekly meetings to check on her progress. They were all in agreement she was not well, but they were also in agreement that staying in the hospital would probably deter her more than help.

_"When you feel so tired but you can't sleep _  
_Stuck in reverse" _

She did not sleep unless Draco was with her, and even then it was after she cried herself to sleep. The day after they returned was her parents funeral and Draco caught her trying to lock herself in the bathroom again.

_"When the tears come streaming down your face __  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?"_

Draco was able to blast the door open before she could do any damage. It was like the first time he found her- she was sitting in the dark, crouched low and crying. One hand was grasped in her hair and the other holding the blade. She was trembling with the effort to _not_ cut herself.

_"Lights will guide you home __  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you"_

Draco entered the room slowly and lit the sconces with his wand. He sat beside her and spoke softly, slowly pulling her from her mind. He caressed her softly, giving her the warmth of his touch. But most importantly, he sang to her.

_"High up above or down below __  
When you're too in love to let it go  
If you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth"_

He sung about his love for her and what she meant to him. He spoke softly of the great things he saw in her, the great heart she had and the great things possible in her future. He told of what he saw in _their _future.

"Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you"

Hermione would watch his eyes as he spoke to her, reading into his soul and possibly deeper. He didn't know what she saw there, but the more he spoke, the more she 'woke up'. The more he sung, the more the lights returned to her eyes.

_"Tears come streaming down your face__  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears come streaming down your face  
And I"_

She still cries nowadays. She cries for those lost, memories unmade due to those losses. She cries out her pain and fears.

_"Tears come streaming down your face__  
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes  
Tears come streaming down your face  
And I"_

But she also cries her happiness. The happiness that came when Draco asked her to marry him. The happiness she felt when she finished University. And even greater, the happiness felt when she was able to heal someone who had suffered as she had. Someone who hurt like she used to. She cried.

"_Lights will guide you home __  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you"_

And the light of each new day. Each new dawn was another piece to healing to the wounds that plagued her. She would heal in time. And Draco would be the key to that healing.

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**Song is 'Fix You' by coldplay**


	27. Epilogue: pt2

**A/N: MA rating. Smut! (but no tissues, finally hehe)**

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27. Epilogue (pt 2)

Hermione woke to warm hands caressing her back. "Draco… " she moaned out. Dexterous fingers worked the sore muscles, running from her shoulders and down to her arms. He paid equal attention to each finger before running his hands back up her arms.

His hands returned to her back and lightly caressed her skin, running lightly over her bare bottom before reapplying the pressure when her calves were reached. The blonde above her was silent other than heavy breaths.

Draco ran his hands up Hermione's legs and stopped at her arse, caressing and massaging the muscle and causing her to giggle. At a slight nudge she rolled over.

His hands returned to her shoulders and moved down her torso, massaging her breasts and avoiding her nipples. Hermione's back arched as she growled in frustration.

Draco's hands moved down her sternum and to her ribs, which he applied a light pressure to. He leaned forward and nuzzled at Hermione's neck, placing kisses that trailed down to her aching breasts. His hands continued moving lower and pressed into her hip, while his mouth finally latched onto the nipples that craved attention.

Hermione arched her back more and gasped at the sensation. She moaned out his name again while his hands continued lower still to the apex of her thights. "Gods please Draco…" she groaned in desperation.

He switched nipples and bit down lightly as he dips his finger into her. "Fuck!" she yelled out while Draco moaned at the sensation. His fingers began massaging her folds, sweeping past her clit rarely. Her moans were increasing in volume and pace, so Draco's fingers also sped up.

Suddenly her back arched and Draco's fingers became soaked. Hermione lay panting for a moment "Gods… talk about a full body massage…" she gasped out.

Draco chuckled as he hovered above her and nipped at her ear. He pressed his length against her soaked center and reveled in the gasps and moans she let out. "Oh, I'm not done yet" he said huskily.

He pulled back slightly and positioned himself at her entrance. Hermione stared into the deep gray eyes and wondered, for the thousandth time, how she ended up with such a wonderful man. She also wondered how he became such a wonderful man. She smiled at him and wrapped her legs around his waist as he slowly entered her, inch by inch.

The pace was slow and passionate. Kisses shared, caresses given. Soft moans escaped the throats of the two loves as they began to reach their crescendo. Draco shifted his hips so that he would hit her clit as he pumped deeply into her. With each slow thrust, he pressed upon her button and elicited a gasp from her. It only took a few of these torturous pumps to send Hermione over her edge, letting her walls milk Draco as he followed quickly behind.

Forehead to forehead they stared in each others eyes before kissing. Draco pulled out and moved to lay beside Hermione with his arm around her waist. "Mmmm Good morning Healer Malfoy" he said in a sleepy voice.

"Good Morning Healer Malfoy" she returned, kissing his head. "Time to get up and get to work!" She said nudging him.

"I'm sure they will be okay with one Healer home today." He mumbled back at her.

"Not their best Healer, love." She admonished, taking in his pink cheeks. "Besides, we have new patients today." She added somberly.

After her stint in the hospital and getting through her parents' funeral, Hermione began seeing a mind healer and came to understand her struggles as they were given names. Depression. Panic and Anxiety Disorder. Self Mutilation.

Along with her sessions, she also returned to Hogwarts. Hermione was at the top of her class upon completion and decided she didn't want anyone to suffer as she had. She began to tour colleges and schools about the seriousness of the mental illness and the effects it had on people. Her scars weren't readily shown to auditoriums of people, but in private sessions and support groups she was known to pull off her glamour bracelets. "Even the mighty fall" she would tell the people around her.

After a year of speaking, Hermione decided she wanted to play an even more active role in helping people. She went to University for certification in Mental Healing.

Throughout this time, Draco stayed with Hermione. He accompanied her on her speaking tours at the different schools and stuck with her at her meetings. As her supporter through her time of turmoil, Draco was also known to speak at the different events and meetings. He would help people understand the signs to look for and how to help. He also accompanied Hermione to University, but received his certification in Magical Massage and General Healing.

Draco stayed by her side, just as he had promised. Hermione still had a daily battle to fight, but he was there for her and she knew it.

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**A/N: Well, this is it. This is my first completed fanfic and it was one huge emotional rollercoaster to get written. I hope you enjoyed my fic and that i did the subject justice. I believe i did.**

**Please understand depression is a serious problem. It makes you feel, do things you would not normally do. Cutting is one of a long list of self-harm. It is addicting and not healthy at all to your physical and mental health. If you find yourself falling, please talk to someone. **

**There's always another day. There's always tomorrow. Your life is worth living. You would be missed if you were suddenly gone from this earth. **

**Love, LadyFreak **


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